O healing river, send down your waters

storms and swinging on the front porch while it rains, the coolness following the storm, cleaning out, Ashley ("Maam, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come out of there!") addressing the wrong dressing room, ice packs

Sweet home Alabama

once again, getting work done, a quiet office, being helpful and hearing "Thank you," quiet campus walks, Matthew McConaughey

Today's song

Somewhere, my love,
There will be songs to sing
Although the snow
Covers the hope of spring.

Somewhere a hill
Blossoms in green and gold
And there are dreams
All that your heart can hold.

Someday we'll meet again, my love.
Someday whenever the spring breaks through.

You'll come to me
Out of the long ago,
Warm as the wind,
Soft as the kiss of snow.

Till then, my sweet,
Think of me now and then.
God, speed my love'
Til you are mine again.

Francis Paul WebsterMaurice Jarre
Also known as the Love Theme or Lara's Themefrom the movie Dr. (Doctor) Zhivago

(somehow, just having the words isn't enough...it really needs that balalaika - that's the instrument it was played on in the movie)

Calm

a quiet house, Olive Garden and tiramisu

When the Holy Ghost shows up

Monday:

once again - being able to finish work uninterrupted, In the Garden, spouses with rhyming names (Maude and Claude), hair styles that never change, JoJo worrying about how she worries, seeing people surprised when someone actually does what they say they will do, Brethren harmony in a place with great accoutics singing songs of "questionable" theology

Today's song

Mem'ries,
Light the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we?
Could we?

Mem'ries, may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember...
The way we were...
The way we were...

Barbara Streisand, The Way We Were

Happy Father's Day

Ethan Flowers, a church nursery full of kids, "This is where we believe we are supposed to be," Maude and Claude, photos of people who have come and gone, outdoor wedding receptions with white tents, white table cloths blowing in the gentle breeze, a lovely cake with fresh roses from the Forbes' rose garden, Father's Day filled with celebration and memories - bittersweet

"Nephrology department, can you hold?"

For Saturday:

Owen's smiles and hugs, imagining having huge stained glass windows in my home, black labs, Roanoke City Market on Saturday morning, Bobby trying to catch flying shrimp in his mouth, Baskin Robbins cookies and cream cake

Take me out to the ball game

being able to actually do one thing at a time at work and get it done, watching Diana "boogie," Bub Hannah and 14 hour plane ride stories, Charlie Tuck and macho kidney stone episode stories

blah, blah, blah

Communication. It seems that the older I get the less there is. Some of it I do, I really do understand. The rest of it...well, I guess its lack of respect, lack of trust, shame, disregarding or wanting to avoid.

Oh, and I really do like the daisies in my back yard.

in green pastures, beside still waters

having the sun lull me into happy slumber in my hammock from Ecuador, a house so cool I don't have to shut the windows and turn on the air conditioner, limeade and tea

"We can do no great things; Only small things with great love." Mother Teresa

memories of Paul and Kay, new people at church, sue and her "geetar", young men who call me "maam" and appreciate that their mom would know in that "mom way" if they didn't, completing 4 assignments even before the class begins

Don't wait

JOHN MAYER
Waiting On The World To Change

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could
Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the meansT
o rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting waiting on the world to change

One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

John Mayer

"What are you thinking about?" "Home."

memories of Bet and Jimmy and their pine paneled living room and smoking in Jim's garage bathroom, getting things straightened up, sunlight filtering through trees onto my dining room table, the delightful change in temp on Mill Mountain, small children peeking at large turtles, bird's eye views of the 'Noke, watering flowers

Small things, great love

"treading" to Indigo Girls, reading John in Greek, singing in the choir, hobos, Lynsey's bright face

Find the hope that feeds you

Today's song....

Whatever it was, is wasn't manumission
To spill the blood, to pull the weed
You can bury the past, but it's a mausoleum
With the ghost of a fist that won't let us be
Can we bring it together,
Can we call from the mountain to the valley below?
Can we make it better,
Do we tether the hawk, do we tether the dove?

I kicked up the dirt, and I said to my neighbor
"We keep making it worse, we keep getting it wrong"
He tucked in his shirt, he stood a little bit straighter,
He said "We need a few less words dear, we need a few more guns."
But will it bring us together,
Can we call from the mountain to the valley below?
Can we make it better,
Do we tether the hawk, do we tether the dove?

Enduring love
Why so much and so strong, beyond this short existence?
So don't be still
You say there's a long line behind you
And it's hardly worth the mentioning
But I will
Cause we may flicker and fade,
But we never will be through with this
I see this world battered but not broken
here's a fallow heart, it's waiting on a sowing hand

You can grow what you want,
But one day it's gonna rise up
So plant what you need to make a better stand
And we'll bring it together A
nd we'll call from the mountain to the valley below.
And we'll make it better
Let go of the hawk, we let go of the dove.
I sing to you, all you true believers
With the strength to see this and not be still.
I'm telling you now, find the hope that feeds you,
Don't let 'em bleed you of your will.

Tether - Indigo Girls

When you look, it's amazing what you can see

sunshine and cool breezes, daisies in my backyard, surprise visits at work, meeting former NFL players who now are committed to helping children, new glasses, completing a prayer shawl, calm in B's voice, really cheeeeeesy mac 'n cheese

Yet, I will rejoice in the Lord

After looking through the entire Old Testament, even Googling each for prayers, I was finally given my scripture for the retreat by Trish. I hope this will touch their souls as it does mine.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Though the fig tree does not blossom
and no fruit is on the vines;
though the produce of the olive fails,
and the fields yield no food;
though the flock is cut off from the fold,
and there is no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;

I will exult in the God of my salvation,
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
and makes me tread upon the heights.

"Send out your bread upon the waters"

http://qpugetsound.blogspot.com/2007/04/reflections-on-ecclesiastes-11-and.html

Sambo

Sam Conner never ceases to amaze me. This man who experienced D-Day first hand can share some of the most amazing things with me. Even now, when he is "showing his age," he says some very profound things. Tonight at church, he stopped me as I was coming out of choir practice. He had D-Day on his mind. "I saw a bunch of those guys on the golf course," he said. "They all had flags. I said, "Why do you have those flags? Everyone has American flags! Don't you know that Hitler had a whole case of 'em? Those flags cover things up. They cover up what is in here! (as he pulls aside his sweater vest and places his hand over his heart.)"

As I related this to another friend from church, he said, "Sam is in another world nowadays."
I think Sam knows exactly where he is and what he is saying. And I also think he is right.

As I write this, I think about the song "This little light of mine," especially the verse, "Hide it under a bushel? NO!" Sam doesn't want us to hide what is in our hearts under the flag.

I saw a commercial today for some "lite" drink. The music in the background was a chorus singing "This little light of mine." Of course they meant, "This little "lite" of mine," but I couldn't help but be a little offended by it. Does that make me seem old and dotty? Because I get offended by commercials who use music I sing in church to sell their product? Or is it just another example of taking something out of context and using it for gain? Whatever, I didn't like it. I would rather apply the song to Sam and his opinion of the flag wearers.

No one can do it for me

I know this is a repeat, but it just rings true for me today.

I am unwritten, can't read my mind,
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with eyes wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

NATASHA BEDINGFIELD

Memorial Day 2007

flowers, flowers, flowers, boxes of memories I had...not forgotten, just put aside for a while,

Today's song

Dreamboat Annie
Heading out this morning into the sun
Riding on the diamond waves, little darlin' one
Warm wind caress her
Her lover it seems

Oh, annie
Dreamboat annie my little ship of dreams

Going down the city sidewalk alone in the crowd
No one knows the lonely one whose head's in the clouds
Sad faces painted over with those magazine smiles
Heading out to somewhere won't be back for a while

Heart

"They're not like this"

hymn singing in Sunday School, Bobby's prayers, Annika's squeals, sharing a knowing look with Jen, "fundi," pink daisies in pewter pitchers on my dining room table, friendships that last - no matter what

We can do this again

flowers on my porches, clean swings and rockers, funnel cakes, good crab cakes

Hazy mountains

clean floors, open windows, mill mountain picnics, sam's, "I know you!" and Michael's wild and crazy life.

assertiveness training

identifying the angel in combat boots, hearing that it is ok, smiling inside and out with relief

Just the mom of the stars

home after work, little boy hugs, Alec's infectious laugh

Thanks to Sheila...

Today's song...

All that pressure got you down
Has your head spinning all around
Feel the rhythm, check the ride
Come on along and have a real good time
Like the days of stopping at the Savoy
Now we freak, oh what a joy
Just come on down, two fifty four
Find a spot out on the floor

Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!

Le Freak by Chic

It's a pretty day

finishing a task in the midst of total chaos, trying on "my size" and finding it too big, birds and sunshine outside my window

I'm gonna try again

sunshine through the trees, huge porch swings, ethan flowers, dozing on my back porch

most peculiar

Don't know why, but this song appeals to me today.

Ground Control to Major Tom
Ground Control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
Ground Control to Major Tom
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may God’s love be with you

Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Lift-off

This is Ground Control to Major Tom
You’ve really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it’s time to leave the capsule if you dare

“This is Major Tom to Ground Control
I’m stepping through the door
And I’m floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today

For hereAm I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do

Though I’m past one hundred thousand miles
I’m feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much (she knows!)

Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit’s dead, there’s something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear....

“ am I floating round my tin can
Far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do.?

David Bowie

Tannon - that's me!

Annika's smiles and laughter, Alec's giggles and ever-ready hugs, Eric's 5-year old knowledge and warnings when he is thinking about doing something he shouldn't. These things make my house a home. But then....so does the silence when they are gone. Such is the life of a great-aunt I suppose.

Thanks be to God for children.

Be it ever so humble

I thought that I would be a mom who would be glad to see her kids able to do things and go places - to see the experience things I had not and probably never would. And, for the most part I think I am.

I have to say, though, that I don't think anything has given me as much relief as seeing Leah get off that plane in Roanoke did. I am glad she had the opportunity to study abroad. I am glad she enjoyed doing it. I am even more glad she is back here in the states - home.

Close the door

"There is nowhere to go, and nowhere to hide. "

B wrote the above on her blog in response to the Virginia Tech tragedy (I refuse to use the terminology used by the media - it is just too hard). As I read it, I remembered when I was looking for somewhere to go, to hide, to find a place of complete silence from the world around me, a place where there was no struggle, no hurt.

Some would say a person could find that place inside themselves through meditation and prayer. Some would say that place could be found in a church. Perhaps out in the midst of God's creation - in nature or on the paths of a labyrinth. I found it in none of these places. I found it behind that closed door that the writer of Matthew speaks of. I literally went into my bedroom, shut the door, went into my closet and shut that door.

On my knees in that dark place, I found that all the clothes, shoes, luggage and other "stuff" provided a sound barrier between myself and the "world." I still had to come out and face it all, but for that brief moment, in that most unusual place, I found a place where I could hear what I needed to hear and shut out the rest.

Today, I think I will go back home, go into my closet and pray that everyone else will find theirs.


"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." Matthew 6:6

Promises

"Don't be afraid, my love is stronger,
My love is stronger than your fear.
Don't be afraid, my love is stronger,
And I have promised, promised to be always near."

A friend reminded me of our singing of this song during a chapel service at Bethany. I remember singing it and tears coming to my eyes - not tears of fear or sadness in my life, but tears of knowledge and belief in the awesome love and presence of God in my life.

Little did I know that I would be singing the same words, again with tears, but this time the tears were those of fear and sadness. Fear and sadness for myself, but also for Leah, B, Rob, Sarah, Brittany, Jo, Jerry...

Maxine TurnerVienna, Va.Senior, Chemical Engineering
Henry LeeRoanokeFreshman, Computer Engineering
Matt La PorteDumont, N.J.Freshman, University Studies
Jamie BishopInstructor, Foreign Languages and Literatures (German)
G.V. LoganathanProfessor, Civil and Environmental Engineering
Juan OrtizGraduate Student, Civil Engineering
Jarrett LaneNarrowsSenior, Civil Engineering
Ryan Clark Columbia County, Ga.Senior, Biology, English, Psychology
Leslie ShermanSophomore, History and International Studies
Caitlin HammarenSophomore, International Studies and French
Liviu LibrescuProfessor, Engineering Science & Mechanics
Kevin GranataProfessor, Engineering Science & Mechanics
Reema SamahaCentrevilleFreshman
Emily HilscherWoodvilleFreshman, Animal and Poultry Sciences, Equine Science
Ross Alameddine, Saugus, Mass.

Cho Seung-Hui

Heart and Soul...

"His purpose isn’t to shield us from the suffering now but to use it to keep our hearts from attachment to this life that is passing away. " Ruth Hochstetler - Goshen College Devotions

TRIM

Here is a pic of my TRIM group - minus one. We were unaware that Tim was downstairs on the phone when we took this. Sorry Tim. :(

Some Quito Pix

I learned how to put pix in my blog, so here are a few from Quito, Ecuador.

Dana Beth and Leah from the walkway

around the Virgin de la Panecilla

Basilica del Voto Nacional

Virgin de la Panecilla

The "main religious symbol in Quito" according to the guide book

Built in the late 1970's.

Building on top of building

Quito from our hotel room.

I feel the weight of life...and almost death today.
Dear people in need and others saying, "No."
Violence on the church doorstep.
Anger and verbal abuse outside my door.

Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.

And yet, I see God's mercy.
Survivors of major health problems and surgery and a wayward daughter's "stepping up to the plate."
Survivors of shootings and the response to a man's appology for getting blood on our church door and interrupting our "church", "What better place for you to come?"
Quite and stillness in my office.

"Mom, you really have to work hard to see your kids."

10 hours driving time.

16 hours flying time.

10 hours of layover time.

2 hours of security check-in time.

4 hours of dizzy diahrea.

2 days of "No hable español."

5 days with one/both of my girls.

Its worth it.

Good things

I have been busy with class work, but it has been a good busy. There is so much information out there that I was ... well, while not unaware of, not "alive, alert, awake, inthusiastic" about. I told B, however, that after learning what little I have, I see how actually doing "biblical study" changes the way we look at scripture. It is a good thing.
B & I leave today for Atl, then to Quito Thurs am to see Leah. I am very happy that I am going to get to see my LeLe. I have missed her. I know it is a possibility that our girls may never live near us and it is a little heart wrenching, but then, it is also good to know that it is possible. It is a good thing.

You are the love of my life...

...you are my inspiration.

Tonight I traveled back in time to my "young" adult, teen and pre-teen years thanks to the band Chicago. All that was missing was meeting Carl, Nancy and the rest of our "gang" at Pizza Hut after the concert.

Rock on!

"set your seal upon my heart and live in me"

"honor and cherish what you have learned, but keep before you the questions..."

Jonathan Shively said this to my TRIM orientation group as confirmation that what we have experienced is an important part of who we are and what we are to become; caution to not consider education/knowledge the answer; encouragement to always seek that which we cannot see.

In considering his words, I have realized that they hold true for me as one who is seeking knowledge to assist me in whatever ministry God puts me in rather late in my life. They are also true for those who are much younger, are completing their formal educations and are also seeking their ministry in God's world.

Beth puzzled over her spending time in school instead of being out there - getting her hands dirty - actually serving and doing something. I puzzle over entering the world of academia and leaving some of the doing behind. I supposed that if we saw time through God's eyes instead of our own, perhaps we could make sense of it all. Since we can't, we will just have to be thankful for and listen to those Jonathans sent to remind us.

In the morning when I rise

having someone fix breakfast, snow on trees, the sound of geese

seasoned veterans sharing, old friends encouraging, new friends confirming

prayer, song, silence

loud obnoxious laughter and sincere raw emotion

Take oh take me as I am
Summon out who I shall be
Set your seal upon my heart
And live in me

Along life's narrow way

Tuesday

smiling retirees popping in my office to say "hello," getting some of the clutter put away, finding what I am looking for, getting jobs done....and the quiet, relaxed space in which to do it all

Your family has grown!!!

21 people gathered round the table at The Homeplace, Mike D's magic tricks, Sam and vanilla ice cream, embarrassing Katie D with our version of "Happy Birthday"

Nothing but blue skies

coffee and crochet, silence

I do enjoy some silence now. I also enjoy being alone sometimes. Will I always be so content with those things?

Blue skies smiling at me

Willie Nelson valentine cards, Michael R's unbridled excitement over bread making, new crochet stitches, coconut cream pie

baby it's cold out there

the wonderful gift of communication technology that actually works and allows me to stay in touch with my girls, naps on the couch, rob's spontaneous eruption in celebration at a Hokie basketball win

Let your love shine on us

knowing when I need help, clean empty space, hugging B when she comes in, house full of family

Peace

newly finished floors, being inside when the wind is blowing snow outside, complete prayer shawls, new blankets

He walks with me and talks with me

the way the sky looks when it is clear and cold, hearing Leah's voice on the phone, finishing a written assignment

Make me a vessel of your peace

faux Zorbo eggs, surprise gifts, hearing passion in the pastor's sermon, Sue's guitar accompaniment, having Sam and Mary Frances back

Thanks for the Christmas gift Rob...

Camp Bethel, good salad, cookie dough brownies, seeing Little Big Town, Sugarland and Frank Beamer all in the same room

"OOOOH, yeah, the K hook." "You should try the H!"

being prepared early, lobster and REAL butter, learning how to really read again, 20 minute dozing, crocheted inspiration, friends who ask about my girls, not having to clean up

Whatz up?

I find that when I don't put entries on my blog, it is mainly because I don't have anything positive to write. This is totally against my reasoning for starting the thing to begin with. Hopefully I can do better.

"...they just go stupid!"

Responsibility, employment, stability...all wonderful and necessary things in my life. However, the therapy provided by releasing yourself to riotous hilarity with friends is irreplaceable.

"He's not right"

...Diana's verbal observation of John Webster as the only participant in the pastor's children's story time.

Getting a congregation to move from "their pews" in the back to the very front.

Redeemed! Oh, the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin - not in part, but the whole - is nailed to his cross, and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Lunch with Charlie and Diana Tuck.

Getting the pile of ironing and sewing down to a manageable size.

Banana pudding pie.

Obladi, Oblada, life goes on...

Annika Elizabeth Larson born 8:18 am today.
Leah getting settled in Quito.
Eric and Alec being their amazing little selves.
Dana Beth enjoying her little cousins.
Time to breathe.

And the day isn't over yet.

Gotcha

"Lord, he's going to drive me up a bloomin' wall."

"At least you will have something to hang on to."

God is in heaven....

Leah is in Quito, Ecuador safe and sound. B is here till next week. Several shawls have been mailed. My stomach isn't quite so rebellious today.

The party is over, but the spirit remains

It has been a while, I know. But, well, it has been a holiday...in a lot of ways.

Both of my girls home.
Several facinating young adults actually wanting to be here in our home.
Christmas Eve with the Belcher clan - 3 wonderful little boys!!
Christmas Day with the Cassell crew - Bobby home from the hospital and Christmas past stories.
A gift of pottery painting with my girls.
Bowl game trip to the ATL.

I know that Christmas is more than all the trappings we have put on it, but I am thankful for all God seems to bring into our lives despite them all.

Wipeout

Staying on the topic of time...

Our church went Christmas Carolling last night. I was able to go see some folks I haven't seen in a very long time (something that I admit is completely my own fault and should NOT be!) One very young-at-heart lady who rode along with me talked about finding it difficult to believe that some of our senior members at church were actually as old as they are - in years that is. Then she realized that if she were only honest with herself about her own age, then it should not be so difficult to comprehend others' ages. If Mr and Mrs were her Junior High advisors, then they had to have been at least 20 years older than herself, so that should make them around.....

Time. It carries us along like a tidal wave and half the time we don't even realize it. Here we are in the midst of this racing rush and we are so focused on...well, something...that we don't even notice that...

• our children have grown into adulthood
• those we once depended upon to help carry the load cannot carry as much any longer
• those we love feel abandoned because life has changed their routines for them and left them behind while ours continue and even become more complicated
• we have changed, maybe in small ways that really don't matter to anyone but ourselves, and sometimes in very big ways that make a difference to many

The list could go on and on, I supposed. Maybe I have just been made aware of my own age and how much time has passed without my being aware and the time that I possibly could have ahead of me. I think, though, that I need to try to become more aware of the wave that I am riding, take a look at the life that is riding along with me. I need to try to keep the ones that are pushed ahead and the ones that get pushed backward in my sight and within the sound of my voice and the ones that get pulled under, I need to try to hold their hand for as long as I can. I need to learn how to swim, much better than I do now - for my own sake and for those around me, so I can help them when needed and so I don't drag them down.

"Where has the time gone?...

...It wasn't that long ago when we had 4 year-olds." Rob's question caused memories to flood my mind and heart. It doesn't seem that long ago. Not at all. When you look back on it, time seems to have flown by.

This song was sung at our wedding. I liked it then, but now that I am older, the words mean more, so much more. And so does time.


If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

Just breathe...

"You can be anything you want to be!"
"Be all you can be!"
"Just be yourself."

Sometimes it is hard to figure out what it means to "be." Those are the times I have to tell myself to "just breathe."

Home is...

"I guess it's that I know I can relax here. I can get sick if I need to."

Pleeeeeeaaaaaase....

When 80% of a sermon is composed of other people's stories, there is really no "meat" - it is all "leftovers."

Let the little ones come

B told me of seeing Jewish children rush in during the service and more or less take over - one yelling "Abba!" others climbing on the furniture. I wondered at the time how First Church would react to such a scene. Yesterday, we had 5 boys ranging from 8 months to, oh, maybe 12 or 13 at church. They didn't rush in and do any climbing, but Ethan and Zeb sang, Jonas gave commentary to the service and our 2 visiting young men decided to help the ushers take up the offering. It was great!

Also from yesterday....

Dava's message was on sacrifice. She basically spoke of the usual things - time, talents and money. Listening to her, however, my mind kept going back to a discussion in Sunday School. It was said that one thing that seperates Christianity from other faith practices is God's grace to us and the fact that we are to reflect that grace to others. Another statement was how today, the word "christian" brought about animosity, confusion and pain with many people. A survey conducted several years ago, showed that when asked what they thought of when they heard the word "christian," practically no one questioned said "grace."

Dava mentioned in her sermon that it is questionable whether anything any of us do in the name of service for God could be called "sacrifice." I agree. The more I sat there and listened, the more I realized that we do give of our time, talents and money...but how often do we reflect the grace that God has so lovingly given us?

Time, talents and money...same 'ole same 'ole. The same ole same 'ole just isn't good enough.

7 years ago...

...I began a "Three Year Reading Program." I got my certificate today. I am glad I finished, but, I have no clearer idea of what I am supposed to do than when I started - 7 years ago.

"Don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself."

Keep reminding me Eric.

Sad

She interrupts others' conversations with topics out of nowhere.
She brings up a totally different topic when you are speaking to her as if she was never really listening to you in the first place.

It seems like at times, she is in another world.

Then I watch her when she is not a part of what is going on - when she is not a major part of what is going on - and I see that she wants desperately to be a part of this world. She wants to be someone's whole world.

How sad to watch someone who is so sad.

From the mouth of a 4 year-old

Eric and Alec visited me last night. Eric said they weren't Trick or Treating, but Mamaw B said I would treat them anyway. He was right. I did have treats for them. He turned it around though - he treated me. Eric began telling me what he had done in Bible Study and quoted the scriptures he had learned, one of them from Matthew 6:34.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself."

It is good to ask questions, to think about things, to work towards something. It is good to consider our actions and strive to seek to glorify God in each and everything we do. It is not good, however, to worry so much that our lives are consumed by the "what if's," the "why's," and the "how's?" - to worry so much about the questions that we forget to do what it is we are supposed to be doing right now.

The disciples had a hard time seeing the "big picture." It seems they kept missing the point of Jesus' teachings time and time again. They had a particular vision of what they wanted him to be and do and when he showed them something different, they were lost. We too keep missing the "big picture." We have a vision in mind of where we should be and what we should be doing and when we don't see that vision coming to life, we get lost. Perhaps we need to look back at what Jesus taught and what Eric reminded me of last night:

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." The Message

What is it we are supposed to be doing? I believe we are to be praying for God's help to discern what it is we are to do and the strength to do it (because, it may not be within the realm of our own vision!). I believe we are to take it step by step - one thing at a time - God's time. There are things in our lives right now that are preparing us for work we will do later. We can't "get worked up."

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Manicures...

... lunch with the sisters, chocolate cake, books by women preachers from sisters who are not too sure, candles, lotions for pampering, e-mails from young women I admire, e-cards and IPods. All in all, not a shabby birthday.

And still...

For 40 years I shared this day with my Daddy. For 40 years, we blew out candles together, took turns opening gifts and sat grinning sheepishly while family sang "Happy Birthday." 40 years. Not enough.

Happy Birthday, Daddy. I miss you.

The safest place on earth...

Larry Crabb wrote a book titled, "The Safest Place on Earth." I have used parts of the book several times for adult and youth presentations. When I speak of the book and it's subject, the church, I often tell a story of a young man who found the church to be just that - the safest place on earth for him.

The young man grew up in "the church," but as he became older, became further and futher distanced from the place, the people and the God he had known as a boy. The pastor of his home church came into the sanctuary one morning to find the young man asleep under one of the pews. Recognizing him, the pastor woke him and asked why he was there. The young man replied that he was in deep trouble, he was desperate, and that church was the only place he knew where he had ever been completely safe.

I thought of Crabb's book today and this story because of something that happened in my church. As I was leaving worship, I heard someone say that a wallet was missing from one of the choir members' purse. Then another. Then another. I stopped and checked my own purse - no wallet. Altogether 5 ladies' wallets had been stolen from purses kept in the bottom of the closet of the choir room during worship. Drivers' licenses, insurance cards, cash, credit cards and in a couple of instances, car keys. All gone.

Many years ago, I had had some video tapes taken from my car during a Wednesday night choir practice. I was absolutely furious. I ranted and raved for many days - if not aloud, in my head and heart. This time is different. I am concerned because the person has my home address and a key to my husband's car. I am slightly agrivated that I will have to go stand in line at the DMV for probably what will be a long time to get a new license. The Driver's License can be replaced, the debit card cancelled, but a car is a different matter. I say I am concerned and that is it. I have been inconvenienced, but I am not furious as before. I don't wish harm to come to the person who brought an act of violence into my church, invaded my privacy and stole my property - like I did before. I realize that we are all safe and all that was taken can be replaced.

We are all safe.

I am not sure all of the other ladies agree with me.

Optimism of children

Eric sits at the table eating lunch...peanut butter crackers and apple slices. On his plate remain 3 crackers and several apple slices. He decides to show me how he has mastered math at his young age.

"Tawa, if I eat one cracker, that leaves two. Then, if I eat one cracker, that leaves one. Then, if I eat one cracker, that leaves....apple!"

I pray that my favorite oldest great nephew will always see the glass as being half full!!!

Oldies

Seeing old friends and catching up on children, grandchildren, parents.
Listening to oldies while driving surrounded by the beauty of autumn.

Teach your children well...

Violence within...violence without

One school system is teaching the children how to "fight back" should they see someone with a gun in their school. It seems they have a former British military man instructing children how to respond in emergency situations that includes "throwing anything they can get their hands on at the person and charging directly at them."

One opinion of the new training suggested that the methods being taught were those taught to adult military personnel and not applicable to children.

"I would be concerned if this were in my child's school," said another.

I am concerned that this is being taught in any school.

Random

Together - Conversations on being the church...
It's open-ended. There is no goal. The conversation is what it is all about...the important part.

What is the church? The body of Christ...but are we acting like the body of Christ? If not, can we actually say that the church...today's church...is that body?

What is supposed to be and what actually is. Do they ever become one?

Over heard at Camp Bethel: "You can thank Lefty Hoal for that building there." Actually, Lefty didn't build it, but it was built in his memory by people whose lives were altered for the better by Lefty's support, advertisements and hard work at Camp Bethel. So, I guess the man was right. We can thank Lefty Hoal...for the building and so much more.

Young adults, grieving over the death of their 'Nana.'
Beautiful baby boy falling asleep in my arms.

My girls in my house again.
Family coming to dinner.

What is supposed to be and what actually is. Yes, with the grace of God, they do sometimes become one.

Love feast

The blocks should be turned this way...
That's way too many tables...
No we have never had pitchers of water...
I don't cut meat...
I don't think there is enough...
Well, we only have enough ice...
Don't put cold water in those buckets this time...
She has already gotten what she needed...
Well, they are right there...
That has got to be covered...
Here's my jars, be sure they get filled...

We are here by invitation...
Lord, is it I...
Will you let me be your servant...
Jesus cared about feet...
We...eat many meals...none...like the meal we are about to eat together here...
All who are in love and community with your brothers and sisters, who do truly and earnestly repent of your sins, who humbly put your trust in Christ and desire his help that you may lead a holy life, draw near...
Take, break, eat and live...
Take drink and live...
Blessed be the tie that binds...

First Church
Love feast
Life

Peaceful living

I sat this morning with my sister discussing how our upbringing has taught us about what we do and do not want to be like. With regret we talk about those we love and how they have not been able to use their experience and knowledge in loving ways rather than preaching and nagging…how our relationships with them have always been full of conflict. We talk about how some people are remembered for their loving, peaceful lives and others for their anger and the strife they bring to everyone around them. Then, I read this in a daily e-mail…


The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace for those who make peace.
- James 3:17-18

Beautiful is the moment in which we understand that we are no more than an instrument of God; we live only as long as God wants us to live; we can do only as much as God makes us able to; we are only as intelligent as God would have us be.
- Archbishop Oscar Romero, from his last homily, March 23, 1980


God speaks and we must listen - or else we too will be remembered not for the peace of God shown through our lives, but for the lack thereof. Someone once told me that I was not called to be effective, but faithful. I pray for all of us who have a difficult time with this concept.

Holy Ground

A friend told me today that he and his wife visited Camp Bethel this past Saturday. After all these years, it was good, he said, to be back on those grounds. He told his wife, "this is indeed holy ground."

It is wonderful that even though our physical world can change so much, the holiness of God remains the same.

Divinity revealed

I sat working on a prayer shawl while also watching a dvd of Dena Pence Frantz's theological study at NOAC 2006. At a certain part of the presentation, Frantz speaks of icons and their place in the history of the church. She says that the group will look at "how the artistic drive to portray the divine presence of God is a spiritual quest." Frantz explains how the artists had to contend with the questions "how is the divine revealed in physical earthly things?" and how can we depict something we may see and yet something that is beyond our capacity to see?

As I sat working on that shawl, I related somewhat to those Bizentine artists. My desire to create the shawl is somewhat of a spiritual quest. I want to bring the presence of God to another through the warmth and comfort of the shawl; to bring the knowledge that they are cared for and loved; to bring to them the hope and peace that is God. I also have found that the presence of God is with me as I create the shawls. I pray that my heart would be right with God before and while I am working; find that I feel a sense of peace within my own being; find my heart filled with compassion and love for the person to whom the shawl may go - whether I know them or not.

My prayer is that these physical earthly bits of yarn would reveal some of the divine to both the receiver and myself and bring about a desire to seek that which is beyond our capacity to see.

Unwritten

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with eyes wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

NATASHA BEDINGFIELD

What?

Choir director - "I don't know what to call that part of the music."
Tenor - "How about "the beginning?"

Sometimes the most obvious things are so far beyond our understanding.

The walk

On this morning 26 years ago, I was waking up to my wedding day. My parent's house was to be filled with family from Kentucky, Ohio and Tennessee. First Church would be filled with friends, family and people I didn't know.

"Love isn't just walking into someone's life...it is walking in the same direction."

On this day 26 years ago, I began a walk with someone I love very much. Sometimes, our steps are not equal in length or speed, but God always seems to bring us back together.

I love you Rob.

aaah

clean vac, clean teeth, clean windows

I like clean.

Making it stick

"We discussed Paul writing to the Corinthians about things that were items of concern at that time and were asked if we were Paul writing to First Church instead of the Corinthians, what would we write about?"

"Did you say, "Get off your butts and do something?"

"No, I said, 'Keep going. You're not done yet."

Not quite as specific as I wanted to be, but then, I'm not sure the people in attendance could handle what I really wanted to say. Paul (Alwine, not biblical) said he felt that Paul (biblical) had to consider who he was writing to. He said that conversation was not just saying stuff, but it was saying things in a way that would stick with the listener. He felt that Paul (biblical) had to consider how people would take what he said and so he had to say it in a way that they would actually understand what he meant and not misunderstand his words because of their background...where they came from. He said he had to do the same thing when he wrote sermons.

Re one of my long-time teachers/mentors/friends:
Conversation. Not just talking, but making it stick.
Sermons. Not just talking, but making it stick.

Leah

Twenty years ago today, I waddled around my kitchen in my bathrobe trying to fix supper for Rob and Dana Beth. I grew more and more uncomfortable until I knew I was going into labor with our second child. As I lay on the bed, Rob started making arrangements for his parents to meet us at the hospital to take care of Dana Beth. She asked him, "What's the matter with Mommy?" "She's going to have the baby, " he responded. "She can't!" Dana Beth exclaimed! "She's got to go to the hospital first!"

And go we did to experience the birth of a beautiful little girl with a head full of wild dark hair.

Today, we remember and celebrate that birth and the beautiful young woman with long dark hair that is my Leah.

Happy birthday Lele. I love you.

Little boys

I miss having children in my home. Eric and Alec were here yesterday and we had a great time.

ice cream and neighbors

short committee meetings where nothing is talked about except the matter at hand, a yard full of little kids, hispanic gentlemen who share my love for coke floats also known as black cows, neighbors who pronounce "Mary" "Murrie" just like me, seeing that when it comes to carrying on a conversation with a one-year old, I've still got it

Rain, rain...

sitting on the porch watching the rain come down...its a good thing

knowing that some are being evacuated from their homes by it...not

Keeping on

"A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons, meant to bring her closer to self knowledge and unconditional self love. Girl Smile.....YOU KNOW YOU HAVE IT GOING ON! .....So Keep ON Keeping On."

Somehow, friends seem to know what you need to hear and when you need to hear it.

Montezuma

traveling through the misty mountains, picking up on the intensity of emotion in David's voice as he speaks God's word, hugs from Jonas, shy smiles from Zeb, being with Carol Lena, tomato sandwiches, homemade salsa

Sunday was a good day.

Blinders

Sometimes it is hard to see a thing when you are right in the middle of it. Several times lately, I have seen beams of sunlight bursting through the clouds - very distinct rays of light making their way through the sky. Until yesterday. It was a sunny day as I drove home and I looked up into the sky to see those beams, but there were none. I didn't understand why - after all, it was a bright sunny day! Then, I realized that I felt the warmth of the sun on my body through the car window. I was surrounded by the sunshine! I was right smack dab in the middle of it and didn't recognize it! It made me realize something.

All this time, I had been relating those rays of light to God's presence and grace. Everytime I saw them, it was as if God was saying, "Karen, I am right here."

Just because God's presence and grace are not majestically visible to me does not mean they are not there. If I but look and pay attention, I will find that I am always right smack dab in the middle of them.

My formica bead

My past...

The table sat under a window in the small kitchen at the rear of the house. It had a formica top. Doors from the kitchen opened into the living room and Mother and Daddy's bedroom which I supposed was actually meant to be a dining room. In that living room, Daddy rocked me to sleep and carried me to bed. Mother let me take a nap in her bed with my blanket decorated with chenille stiches. Daddy talked me out of running away from home in my bedroom at the back of the house. I heard the gunshot from the trailer where I stayed sometimes while Mother ran errands. My puppy, Skippy, was hit and killed by teenage boy who lived up the street. All of these memories and more come to mind when I look at my formica bead. They all combine to make me who I am now.

The Shell

Places where I feel close to God…

“…it’s just you, the sand, sun and ocean” says a friend of time spent at the beach. I would clarify that by adding...my awareness of God in the fragments of previous life that make up the sand, the sense of healing as the heat of the sun warms my bones and the powerful yet soothing ocean tides that are able to toss me about at their will then support me as I float aimlessly.

Here I come

Sea, sand, sun....

UGH!

So angry I could not even cry. Now THAT's angry!

Misc NYC quotes

“We are the people we’ve been waiting for. The world is waiting so come through the door. There’s lots of room here on the dancing floor. There’s no delaying anymore.” - Ken Medema

"We have great border control here." - John Keller, NYC 2006 Dean

"God almighty, maybe what I need is to give myself away. Small things, great love, that’s how the mountains move.” – Ken Medema

“Why don’t we do what he says? I don’t think he’s going to shut up until we do!” - Ted & Lee

"You being yourself matters. It’s what keeps the community from being lost.” – Glenn Mitchell

“You’ve got to clear up the confusion about what it means to be a Christian.” - Jim Wallis

“Jesus will give you power to change this world,” David Radcliff

“You might be Brethren if......you think one of the Ten Commandments is, you know the words to ‘Move in Our Midst’ whether you want to or not" - Frank Ramirez

“I don’t know how much time I have to become something. None of us do.” - Andy Murray

“God’s got you covered,” Dawn Ottoni Wilhelm

"...and this part signifies when my life goes wacky..." Me

"Is David Radcliff part black?" Emily

"This was life-changing." Katie

"Walk with me." Darron

NYC

I spent last week in Colorado with over 3000 young people. It is amazing how old a person can feel and at the same time, be energized. I do wish that more members of our congregations knew what actually happens at our denomination's National Youth Conference. I wonder, though, if they did, would it make any difference in the way they do things? Would they not permit their youth to participate? I wonder...