I'm too old for this

How do you know when enough is enough? When is it time to go and how do you go when you have responsibility? Do you just pick up and leave a church because you don't like what it has become? Because you don't feel there is a place for you? Or rather, a place for what you want to be? Is it selfish and irresponsible to leave for greener pastures instead of working to help the church you're at become what God wants it to be? What is it....if you can't handle what God has given you, why think God would give you more?

And...how do you know if the pull toward certain things is actually a "calling" or your own unconscience, underlying desire for control or attention?

And...why, at 46 years of age, am I going through this? Isn't this something that young people go through when they graduate from High School? College? When lives are going through all kinds of natural changes?

UGH

Crazy

“I know this will sound crazy, but…”

Ever say that? I did this morning.

I dreamt last night that I was in a house with several friends and family members when the phone rang. Odd, I am the only one who hears it. “Hello?” “Karen, it’s Virginia! I’ve fallen and hurt my hip! I can’t get up! I need help!” “Where are you?” “At home!” “We’ll be right there.” I go tell everyone that Virginia has fallen and needs help. Nobody listens. I tell them again, a little louder, “Virginia is hurt! She needs help!” Still no response from anyone. As I am currently in my pj’s (I am asleep in bed after all), I go get dressed – in my church clothes, dress, hose and hells, of course because Virginia is a dear lady from church – and run out the door. End of dream.

When I wake up and all through the morning, Virginia is on my mind. I try to push the remnants of the dream aside and get to my housework. Nothing works though. I end up picking up the phone and calling Virginia.

“Virginia? This is Karen Cassell. I know this will sound crazy, but I had a dream last night that you weren’t well and I had to call and check on you.”

(Laughing)”I’m ok this morning, Karen. I did fall yesterday. I was raking leaves and my foot slipped off of the pavement. I had a great big knot on my hip and knew I would be really sore this morning, but it’s not as bad as I thought.”

Some people would say that I am psychic. Some would say I had Virginia on my mind when I went to bed. Some would say God spoke to me in my dreams. My husband would say I am crazy.

Way too often I brush aside those feelings, thoughts, images that fly around like gnats until you finally squash them. What is it that keeps me from doing those little things like calling someone when they are on my mind. Sending a card just to say, “Thinking of you.” Why do I worry about what others think? Why do I worry about sounding crazy? Maybe that worry, that inhibition is crazy!

Maybe I am crazy, but if doing crazy things like calling Virginia can bring a smile to others like I heard in her voice, “I am so glad you called, Karen! That was so sweet!”, then I will just go on being crazy.

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd leave me for somebody new
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for loving you.