Well, it has hit. It took its dear sweet time, but it has finally arrived. After 3 weeks my heart feels as if it is breaking. Perhaps it is being here at the beach, taking the time to breathe, to rest and relax that has allowed the cool, calm, reasoning facade to crumble. Being here has forced me to let down my guard. It is as if the waves have broken down the stoney resolve surrounding my heart and the gentle breezes have blown all the debris away.
Now I am left with a heart that feels very raw. Each notification I receive of another need, another concern brings tears to my eyes and an ache deep inside. How can people do this time and time again? How can I?
Friday, August 19, 2011
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
What's going on?
"I thought if I didn't hear laughter you all weren't here," said the one who came late. Unfortunately there was not much laughter for her to hear. Instead our lunch was filled with statements such as:
"I have a voice! I want to use it!"
"We have to support one another!"
"There are forces at work right here!"
Instead of humor, it was words of anger, fear, pain and need that were heard most. Instead of speaking through the laughter, we were speaking through the tears. Tears for others and tears for ourselves. Tears for what was, what is and what could be.
What is our focus though? Is it on the obstacles? Where are we placing our energies? Is it in complaining and angry words? The things blocking the way to peace cannot be ignored any more than the anger and hurt they bring to our souls. I can't help but believe, however, that if we focus on what we are called to do, to be; if we look to the One who calls us from the beginning, then the answers of peace will come.
But me, I'm not giving up. I'm sticking around to see what God will do.I'm waiting for God to make things right. I'm counting on God to listen to me. (Micah 7:7 The Message)
"I have a voice! I want to use it!"
"We have to support one another!"
"There are forces at work right here!"
Instead of humor, it was words of anger, fear, pain and need that were heard most. Instead of speaking through the laughter, we were speaking through the tears. Tears for others and tears for ourselves. Tears for what was, what is and what could be.
What is our focus though? Is it on the obstacles? Where are we placing our energies? Is it in complaining and angry words? The things blocking the way to peace cannot be ignored any more than the anger and hurt they bring to our souls. I can't help but believe, however, that if we focus on what we are called to do, to be; if we look to the One who calls us from the beginning, then the answers of peace will come.
But me, I'm not giving up. I'm sticking around to see what God will do.I'm waiting for God to make things right. I'm counting on God to listen to me. (Micah 7:7 The Message)
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Peace be still and know
I sit here in my home office looking at the piles of books for classes yet to start, boxes yet to be unpacked from Cloverdale and classwork to be filed away. It is a mess. Then my eyes look up to the posters on the wall directly in front of me.
He Qi's Calling Disciples
and Peace Be Still
What beautiful reminders of why I have this office in the first place and what it is I am supposed to do here.
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