I don't know where to begin.
I have spent my day watching a friend
reluctantly give in to the body and mind that has betrayed him and
allow himself, give up his freedom and independence to be placed into
a facility that he sees as the end. I have spend the day watching
his children drowning in sorrow over the loss of a father and the
loss of their own freedom and independence to become caregivers of a
parent. I have spent the day watching a system that is supposed to
help, professionals who make an oath to do all they can show just how
limited and human they really are.
I have spent my day wondering just what
the hell is going on. Why does someone so intelligent allow
themselves to get so screwed up? Why does the loving, merciful God I
believe in allow a life...so many lives to be so sad. How can a
parent sit back and watch their children suffer so and do nothing but
add to their sorrow.
I have spent my day trying to be a
friend both in a situation where I don't want to be a friend and
where I am not sure that friendship is known any longer. I have
spent my day trying to provide the support of a mother, the wisdom of
an elder, the knowledge of experience without interfering.
I have spent my day sitting with a wonderful young man, getting to know him better, agreeing and disagreeing, watching him be so caring, loving and gentle, and finding myself loving him.
I have spent my day watching people
come and go with pains and sorrows of their own. Some with who we
were able to share a smile, a laugh, a desire for answers, a common
bond of people in crisis.
I have spent my day being tearful,
filled with sorrow, anger, compassion, awe and total confusion. I
have spent it feeling the presence of something bigger, knowing that
“all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things
shall be well.” I have spent it knowing that what will be will be
and that none of us are alone in it.
I have spent my day being the last place in the world I wanted to be, and, exactly where I wanted to be. How can I say this? Well....I don't know where to begin.
