Cup of life

It has been a while, I know. My cup of life has been filled to overflowing with work, class, building, moving, pain. Admittedly, I only work 4-5 hours a day, 4 days/week, so the time I spend there really doesn't add a whole lot into the content, but the job does add. When I was in need of a new job, this one came around and it was great. The hours fit my schedule to a T. It provided me the opportunity to help with the financial income of our family and gave me the time I wanted/needed to be with Leah while she was still in school. I was able to volunteer with the band and be home when she got home. (Even though she was in high school, I still wanted to be there!) Now that she has moved on to college, I am not needed at home, but I still have the same hours. It is ok though, I have those hours to do cleaning, errands, whatever is needed. The hours, except for the small amount of cash they bring in, are not especially a problem either. The thing is, I have noticed a lack of attention in my boss. I have a lot of trouble with his understanding what I am talking about and I believe it is just because he can focus on what I am saying. Of course, as several members of my family would say, it could be the way I say things that is the problem.

I am currently in a class on evangelism that is a requirement of a certificate reading program through my church's district. In the past, the class has ranged in focus depending upon the instructor. Mission, evangelism and witness are the three most commonly used terms for the instructor's individual focus for the class. Anyway, I began the class reading a book written by a leader of a "mega" church and published by a company that provides material that I don't always agree with. That did not get me off to a great start. The first assignment of the class is to develop an evangelism "project." We are supposed to design and implement a evangelism exercise and evaluate it at the end of the class. I have a problem with that. Sure, I can go to a rest stop on the interstate and hand out bottles of water and say, "This is something Jesus would do." But how do I evaluate that? Do I give the number of bottles I gave out? The number of persons who refused bottles? The number of persons who fell on their knees and asked Jesus into their hearts? I did miss the class Sunday due to a funeral, so maybe they discussed these questions then. I need to get a copy of the tape.

We are in the process of building a new home. Something that we wanted to do since we got married. I think it was because we wanted things done the way we wanted them to be done. Whatever. I guess in some ways things are the way we want them, I mean, we do get to pick out the colors, the type of flooring, for the most part, the floor plan and that is fun. But there are some things that I wish we could do differently. I would have really liked the builders to use recycled or "green" materials. I would have maybe liked to go antique shopping and find some reusable lights, maybe a mantle for the fireplace, maybe stained glass widows. I would have liked to be absolutely sure that the doors would be wide enough for either Rob or I to go through in a wheelchair. I would have liked for there to be NO lip on the shower so we could get a wheelie seat in (it was SO, SO hard to get Daddy in and out of the shower!) I would have liked for Rob to be able to use those really old glass blocks he got from Granny's house somewhere in the building process, like one of the bathroom windows or something. I don't know, maybe I am just being too picky. Maybe I am just being selfish. Whatever, it is going to be a nice house. A one-floor house that will be SOOOO much easier to get around in. A brick house without the noise of the wind blowing through the siding. A HOUSE WITH A PORCH TO PUT A SWING AND ROCKING CHAIRS ON!!! It is going to be a house that we can live in and be safe, and I guess right now that is all I should really care about.

Getting to the above-mentioned house has been a real experience. Since we decided to go ahead and build, we have been cleaning out, throwing away, giving away and storing away all our "stuff." It is so amazing to me the amount of "stuff" we can accumulate in 25 years! I feel as if I have gotten rid of so much and yet, there is so much left! I really don't feel that I "need" all this stuff, but I don't want to get rid of it. I want my girls to be able to have the quilts their grandmothers and great grandmothers made. I want them to be able to have some of the furniture pieces that have been handed down since their great-great grandparents made them. I want to have all the resources I have been collecting for youth ministry, preaching, devotion writing should (when?) I need them. I like to be creative and like to have materials available to me when I get the urge to be creative. Where does it end?

Moving has also become a 2 time event. Our old house is sold and the new one is not done, so we have had to move into a rental home that the builder owns. It is a huge old house. It is a cool house, lots of rooms, hardwood floors, wide trim work. The kind of house I would have liked to buy when we got married and fixed up. The only thing about it is the previous occupant. There has been a mouse living in the kitchen somewhere. I have had to wash the silverware, utensils and pots and pans and move them out of the cabinets due to mouse droppings all over them. I have even had to throw away our toaster because the little critter found some tasty snacks in the bottom of it and left a calling card to let us know. We set some traps - for my comfort level, one of them was a "humane" trap, and finally caught a mouse Tuesday night. Hopefully, that was the only one living within the walls and I can feel safe using the stove and oven, a site also visited by the little critter, and put the stuff back in the drawers and cabinets.

As for the pain, well, I am hoping that there will soon be an end to it. I have a herniated disc that causes pain down my right leg. This has been going on since the middle of January and, actually, I am getting a little tired of it. The surgeon I was referred to is a conservative physician and doesn't want to cut me open if another method of treatment will take care of the pain. The problem is, so far, no other treatment has worked. This is a little stressful in and of itself, but there is also the problem of not being able to do the things I want or need to do because of aggravating the problem or making it worse. Rob has basically done all of this moving stiff by himself. On top of that, he has taken care of the normal house work. I feel so guilty about that and so sorry for him. I want to take walks, to hike with my friends, to just be able to walk through the grocery store without pain, but no. Well, as I said, I am hoping there will soon be an end to this disc problem.

Now that I have spent all this time and space on my personal gripes and troubles, on my overflowing cup of life, I feel the need to ask for forgiveness. I see all those in the southern portion of our country who have lost everything they had, some including the people in their lives whose cups seem totally empty; I see those in Iraq suffering through this travesty of war whose cups seem filled with violence and hate, and I know that I am blessed. I have so much and there are so many who don't even have what they need to survive. I pray that I will be shown a way to share what I have with them. I pray that I will be satisfied with my cup, with what I have, even better, with what I need.

For me, for them, for you, I pray that through the mercy of God, we will find peace.