An evening at the Kidd's

"I really think that if I had stopped at those Methodist learnings when I was 8, I would be much better off."

"Would you like to go pick blueberries with us early in the morning?"
(answer...sarcastically) "Of course...that's my favorite time of day."

Story..."The boys asked one evening, "Have you ever wished you had had an affair?" He looked at them and said, "Well your mother and I discussed it, then, she told me that if I ever did, she would kill me." And those boys believed him! They believe everythig he tells them! Me who catches bugs in the house and takes them outside! The one who takes in every stray cat she finds! They think I would really kill their father!"

Drunken despondant 25 yr old sailor..."Besides fixing your fence that I drove through, nothing else matters...I don't matter."
Walter's response..."You do matter."

"...do you believe that God called you to Cloverdale?"...............Yes.

My eyes see, my heart swells, my mind wonders

Today's Song...

Every night I say a prayer in the hope that there's a heaven
And every day I'm more confused as the saints turn into sinners
All the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay
And I feel this empty place inside so afraid that I've lost my faith

Show me the way, show me the way
Take me tonight to the river
And wash my illusions away
Show me the way

And as I slowly drift to sleep, for a moment dreams are sacred
I close my eyes and know there's peace in a world so filled with hatred
That I wake up each morning and turn on the news to find we've so far to go
And I keep on hoping for a sign, so afraid that I just won't know

Show me the way,
Show me the way
Take me tonight to the mountain
And wash my confusion away
And if I feel light, should I believe
Tell me how will I know

Show me the way, show me the way
Take me tonight to the river
And wash my illusions away
Show me the way, show me the way

Give me the strength and the courage
To believe that I'll get there someday
Show me the way

Every night I say a prayer
In the hope that there's a heaven...

(Styx - Dennis DeYoung)

Reframing

I'm thinking about this word a lot lately. Mainly because we discussed it in my last Bethany class in connection with leadership, power, understanding situations, WIGIAT (Where is God in all this?), "What is really happening?," "Where do I come into the picture?"

I thought my short-term employment record may have come to a halt, but now, I'm not sure. As I reframe the past, I am now having to consider reframing the present.

So, what will the decision be...an alltogether new frame or one that's been used before - one that probably doesn't fit the new picture?

Do, Do, Do, Lookin' Out My Back Door

2 weeks...I thought that wouldn't be so bad...I could handle that...especially with a great housemate like Jen! Then...no sleep for 4 nights because I was so in tune with my pregnant friend across the hall who was so uncomfortable...spending an afternoon in the doctor's office with her...getting up at 4am to take her to the airport so she could go home...then...an entire week alone. Homesickness set in. I was ready to come home.

Then...the classmate from Rwanda speaks of his travels home after 3 years at Bethany. The new friend from Nigeria speaks of beginning his 3 years away from home. I feel guilty.

Then...the familiar mountains of Virginia come into view, the New River catches my eye, signs of Hokies begin to surface, the home Rob and I built together, Rob, the blooming Mountain Laurel, lilies and Morning Primrose in my back yard, my bed! my pillow! Cloverdale Church of the Brethren, "Welcome home!" "We missed you!" "So glad you're back!" "I hope it was a great class!" "Do you have all the answers now?"

I still feel a little bad that I could only take 2 weeks when others give up years, but still...I am ready to be home.

Eva Grace Stultz

Welcome little one.

Instruments

The instrument sits, silent

The keys untouched

The pedals still

The mechanisms created within

Meant to produce

Cannot do so alone

The master's touch

Soft and easy

Put all into use

The once silent instrument

Now brings sounds of beauty

Simple yet soothing

Those who hear

Are lulled by the sound

And the instrument

Is brought to life

"he will be an instrument for noble purposes,

made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work."

2 Timothy 2:21

Let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find...

After several various failed attempts, I have decided that there are just some images that are not meant to be photographic...instead, they are to be experienced, enjoyed ...lived.

I do wish I could share the one I am living right now.

Sitting at my dining room table, surrounded by Granny Etta's chairs, china hutch filled with her dishes, Buck and Papaw's watches, Daddy's compass and Case knife, Mommy Belcher's and Granny Shaver's glassware;

the hutch that Max made filled with more memorabilia, including the miniature framed drawing Leah did of our last house and a jar full of marbles;

the photograph of my girls sitting side by side overlooking the fog covered Pacific Ocean;

the morning sun shining through the tall trees, casting long narrow shadows on the spring green grass;

shining through the tall windows upon peace plants received at Daddy's and Mommy Belcher's funerals;

the sound of birds sharing their songs;

the squirrels scampering about;

the buds on the dogwood tree almost ready to burst open and the redbud's purple hue;

the quiet of the house;

the peace it all brings to me.

Today's Song

thanks to B...

you think you`ll find some mountains in western colorado
fifty weeks of snowy peaks is where you`re gonna be
but babe the rocky mountains are gradually eroding
the hills of coors are nothing more than blue ridge wannabes

a turkey on it`s belly
a chicken on it`s back
anyway you look at it you`ll find her on the map
she revels in the seasons
shakes hands with the north
hugs the land of dixie while dancing on the porch

you think that autumns in new england
are the greatest of them all
but give me sweet virginia for the fireworks of fall
the prettiest october in all the fifty states
just drive up to the skyline park the car and wait

so grow up colorado
excuse me tennessee
if you don`t mind, north caroline
here`s where i want to be

(chorus)
when you`re talking home you mean the old dominion
just southeast of heaven to the surf and the hills
she`s the best of thirteen sisters
and thirty seven more
sweet sweet virginia always keeps an open door

they`re fiddlin` in galax
pickin` up in floyd
and in the land of patsy cline
they`re songs you can`t avoid

when you`re walking back after midnight
i`ll fall to pieces, too
i`m crazy back in baby`s arms with sweet dreams of you

they`re sailing down in norfolk
skiing up in bryce
climbing up the devil`s stairs against the ranger`s advice

they`re harvesting in loudoun to shenandoah winds
and in the land near washington they`re rooting for the `skins
fight for old d.c.

so grow up colorado
excuse me tennesse
if you don`t mind, north caroline
here`s where i want to be

(chorus)
pack up your impala
and make your move out west
past the blue ridge mountains you`ll find you passed the best
and when your dreams have ended
where mountains are concerned
me and sweet virginia will await for your return

(Eddie from Ohio)

Today's Song

http://youtube.com/watch?v=AratTMGrHaQ

Ill-matched threads

She who reconciles the ill-matched threads of her life,

and weaves them gratefully into a single cloth -

it's she who drives the loudmouths from the hall

and clears it for a different celebration

where the one guest is you.

In the softness of evening it's you she receives.

You are the partner of her loneliness,

the unspeaking center of her monologues,

With each disclosure you encompass more

and she stretches beyond what limits her,

to hold you

(Rilke)

passive activism

california sunshine, rocky shores with crashing waves, puffs of air and water from whale blow holes, women who love God and are attempting to serve God here in this place, knowing there are others who are in a love/hate relationship with the church, open windows, hearing questions, pondering

A good day off

(thanks to Jen and Mary for the pix)

clean sheets, new toothbrushes, clearing space, time with the great kidlets (Eric, Alec, Annika & Rebekka), finishing a shawl, California dreamin', hershey's peppermint kisses, peas and carrots, watching paperwhites and amaryllis grow and bloom, im-ing with JA who is far, far away, feeling like I should get a smiley sticker on my paper, sounding healthy, taking time to breathe

Between a rock and a hard place?

I read somewhere that what you do on New Year's Day is what you will end up doing all year long. Hmmm...

Rob, B and I decided to begin the year with a hike. We let B choose. She chose to hike to a place called "Devil's Marbleyard, described on Roanoke.com as having a "Gottasee factor" of 3.5 (0 - 4) and a "Gottabreathe factor" of 2.5 (0 - 4). Did we make a mistake letting her choose?

With Mannheim Steamroller providing the background music, the sun shone warm through the windows, lulling me into a peaceful relaxed state. What a nice day to be out. Ahhhhh. We parked the car at the "well marked lot," crossed a lovely wooden bridge and headed into the wilderness. The trees, the fallen leaves, the cold crisp air, the sunshine, the company. Ahhhhh.

It didn't take too long, however, before my "ahhhh's" became "ugh's." The trail was rocky. The rocks were covered with leaves. The leaves were wet. 3 water crossings - again, with wet leaf-covered rocks. After maybe a mile, we pass a young woman who responds to our "how much further?" with, "Oh, maybe a half a mile...and it gets steeper."

We finally reach our destination. A huge field of boulders - really BIG boulders. It reminds me of watching a child play with a toy dump truck. Fill 'er up, then dump it out. Except this was some dump truck! Rob's first comment was, "We are NOT going to climb on those!" Yeah, right. Up B goes. We sat there and ate our lunch with the view of those amazing boulders before us and the sound of melting icicles around us. Awesome.

For some, it would not have been a difficult trek at all. For others, like Rob and myself, it was a little strenuous considering our age, physiques and lack of experience. What it ended up being, at least for me, was proof that I could do it and it felt good afterward. If it is true, that what you do on New Year's day is what you end up doing all year long, then I will be working hard to see some awesome displays of God's handiwork, will indeed see them and will feel fulfilled, accomplished and blessed for the effort.

This day

a clean desk, newly painted walls and lovely artwork to put on them, being able to hear the Daddy song and not cry, doves being released in remembrance of a life lived into a clear, crisp winter sky, welcoming new and old friends into my home

Just a few "of my favorite things"

Once again, I am playing "catch-up"...

good friends, "hip" aunts, medical advancements, worship planning, understanding and supportive family and congregations, Dr. Pepper, clean sofa covers and pillows, seeing "you rock!" on my office door, class-mates who share, tires that do not blow, cats and dogs that simply lay their heads on your leg as if to say, "It's ok, I still love you," Christmas cookies, beach weddings, sunshine, generosity, hearts and hands that serve, intercoms that work, secure Internet, yarn on sale (not just "for" sale, rob), quiet, communication

Today's Song

I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I've done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.

memories of daddy

being drug by the sled all the way down the hill because you were afraid to let me go by myself
coming to watch me cheer
teaching me how to throw a football
taking me to work and letting me draw on the maps with the grease pencil
challenging me to ride the "big bike"
getting center court tickets for the Globetrotters
letting me wash the top of the truck
taking me with you on errands in that truck
not yelling when i wrecked "polly" twice or when i ran that red light while you were watching
rocking me until you thought i was asleep then carrying me to bed
sitting on the floor of my bedroom with me and convincing me not to run away from home
kissing me at my wedding
knowing that i was one of your "girls"
sharing birthday cakes
visiting your old buddies in Ky and you calling me your "baby"
when you told me your deepest and darkest moments
taking me to the hospital while i held a steak on my eye
and many, many more

happy birthday daddy, i miss you and love you

Oh, for a nice boring day

Michael (jokingly): "Some people live from one disaster to another. That's you!"

Yesterday was most definitely an eventful day and not one I want to repeat. Now that the sun is up and the birds are singing a new day, I can look at the events from a new perspective.

finding that there are times when emergency rooms are not cram-packed full in Salem
VA nurses, doctors and other medical staff who can be kind, gentle and understanding after having worked a full shift already
clear CT scans
experiencing Michael's belief that "drugs are our friends"
compassionate and dedicated pastors
the sound of laughter, prayer and I love you's from hospice staff
family who trusts you
experiencing the kindness and compassion of strangers - even those affected by your own negligence
airbags that do not work (yes, that's right, I said "do not")
people who seem to know what you need - those that know you and those that do not
gentle police officers
a husband who can be calm and friendly to others while I am a complete mess
a daughter who says, "I haven't driven that car in over a year, Mom. Isn't that the rule you use for getting rid of things anyway?"
friends who can sit and listen, talk and laugh and just make me smile once again

OMG

A post from a fellow Bethany student concerning his current ministry:

"if i stay, will i go insane the next time i see an "i'm glad i'm white" bumper sticker?"