Blest be the tie that binds

Today I learned that spiritual disciplines, alone and with others, are always a good thing. Examination. Servanthood. Agape. Communion. Fellowship. Prayer. Meditation.

Love Feast "reminds me of who I am." (SB)

walks with Rob, sitting in the courtyard with JC, Guy's earnest desire, Michael's southern gentleman ways of speaking his mind, seeing love in the eyes of those I have also come to love, words of assurance, Sue's gentle way of bringing me back to reality, Dava's, "I know exactly what you mean, Sister!" looks, realizing that I still need Wendy's on Sunday, hearing others voice appreciation and that needs are being met through those terrible "different ways"

(note to self: quite a long list for such an "irritating" day, huh?)

Today's Song

From the day we arrive on the planet

And blinking, step into the sun

There's more to be seen than can ever be seen

More to do than can ever be done

Some say eat or be eaten

Some say live and let live

But all are agreed as they join the stampede

You should never take more than you give

In the circle of life

It's the wheel of fortune

It's the leap of faith

It's the band of hope

Till we find our place

On the path unwinding

In the circle, the circle of life

Some of us fall by the wayside

And some of us soar to the stars

And some of us sail through our troubles

And some have to live with the scars

There's far too much to take in here

More to find than can ever be found

But the sun rolling high through the sapphire sky

Keeps great and small on the endless round

Elton John - Circle of Life

Touch

Last night I held a woman while she mourned over the death of her mother.
Today I held a woman as she celebrated the life growing within her.

Listen...What do you hear?

My last entry was a lament on the lack of communication skills within the human race. I found, however, that with some assistance, we can communicate! Saturday my congregation had an all-church planning retreat. With the use of Lectio Divina, we strived to discern a focus for the ministries of our community. I was very impressed and encouraged by the thoughts and feelings the scripture released in those present. Some voiced their opinion that it was the best planning retreat they could remember for this congregation.

Who knows, maybe if we allow the Spirit to guide us more often, that whole communication problem will fade away. I know I need to consider it.

That day about three thousand took him at his word, were baptized and were signed up. They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers. Everyone around was in awe—all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met. They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved.

Acts 2:42-47 (Message)

Blah, Blah, Blah

One of the most important aspects of participating in a community is the ability to communicate. Why is it then, that we are so lacking in that ability?

Fragmentation

Not for the first time I looked at the sand beneath my feet. Millions of tiny bits and pieces of shell making up the beach on which I walk. Fragments of lives that are either no more, or have moved on to "bigger and better."

These shell fragments always remind me of the fragments of our lives that we leave behind - whether we are no more, or like some of those sea creatures, have moved on. Wherever we go, whomever we interact with, we always leave bits and pieces of ourselves behind. Some of those bits are positive and some are negative. Some of those pieces are large and some, well, may be miniscule.

We don't think about that much. The fact that we always leave a bit of ourselves behind. I believe we do though, even in today's seemingly isolated society. Nor do we think about the bits and pieces of others who are no longer with us - unless, of course, they play a prominent role in our lives. Then, it seems as if we pick and choose between those bits - like shell hunting. We sometimes push aside those miniscule bits in our efforts to fine the best pieces to claim as our own - the biggest, the prettiest, the ones that seem to be the most whole.

What about those parts left behind that are not so pretty? Those that are not "whole?" They too are to be recognized and respected for what they are. If it were not for those miniscule sometimes obscure and not so pretty bits and pieces, we would not have that wonderful beach to walk on and enjoy.

Today's song

It has been a while...

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a day that I could give you
I'd give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a tale that I could tell you
I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
I'd make a wish for sunshine all the while

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
Sunshine almost all the time makes me high
Sunshine almost always

God speed

20 years ago Karen Hutchins came into the Sunday School class I was teaching. "I'll make you a deal," she said. "The same deal I've made with Freddy's other teachers. If you don't believe anything he says about me, I won't believe anything he says about you."

Freddy was a very cute little boy who loved to talk, and talk, and talk. He was the apple of his grandfather's eye and recently the Most Eligible Bachelor in Roanoke.

My heart aches for this little one and those he leaves behind.

New River

Appalachian Morning

By the manner of their living?

Over 5000 are expected at this "family reunion." And, yes, that's what it seems like to me. Just like a family reunion, there are those kin folk you love to see, those you are surprised to see and some you really just try to not have to spend too much time with. And, just like a family reunion, there are memories shared, futures examined and beliefs considered.

One thing I have learned at both is that Rob is absolutely right..."Everybody's different."

Then again, being "different" is no excuse for rudeness, bossyness or condescention.

Then again, isn't being different what the Church of the Brethren is supposed to be known for?

If so, different from what? I always thought it was "different from the world," but at times, I really can't see much difference.

The body of Christ...

Home again after a few days in the land of kudzoo, coal trucks and double-wides. Funny how things turn around on you. After feeling that my entire description of life in the area where I was born depicted such a negative picture, I ended up, not explaining, not even defending, but trying to get others to accept it.

For evening devo's I decided to do my Bisquick communion. It would have been perfect too...if everyone hadn't been so gosh darn different! I gave each person a cup with a small amount of Bisquick in it and asked them to add a small amount of the liquid of their choice. I explained that the end result should be about the consistancy of cake batter. Too bad not everyone's image of cake batter is the same. Some were so thick they wouldn't pour out of the cup and others were pure liquid! Into the cake pan they all went, however, then into the oven. After a much longer time than expected, the mixture finally took on a somewhat brownish and spotty cake-like appearance. When dumped out onto a plate...well let's just say that it was not the perfect loaf of communion bread. Trying to break and serve this lump of oooey-gooey, half-baked stuff was a chore, but we did it.

After everyone had taken communion, it hit me! This was probably the worst tasting and worst looking communion bread they had ever had. Definitely not what some would consider "proper." It was a complete mess. But then, so is life. Our purpose was not to judge those we were there to serve. Our purpose was not to pry into the "stories." Instead, our purpose was to be in communion with God's children who needed our help at this specific time, in this specific place. We were not "Brethren to the Rescue!" We were brothers and sisters extending a hand to one another.

Are you really paying for the car in front of you too?

Thought I was going to get off easy today. Take fresh water to job sites, maybe help hang some drywall. But no. Pulling up floors, piling up old moldy, ratty insulation and pushing new insulation through a hole. That's what I got to do. Margaret, the lady who owned the house seemed quite upset when she saw all we were doing and how difficult it seemed. Another advisor, Sarah, told her, "Well, it has got to be done and we're here." Margaret was so appreciative. In the midst of the hauling, prybarring and sweating, the lovely lady offerred us some hot coffee. Instead, we headed to Wendy's for milkshakes, floats and Frosty's. That vanilla milkshake was one of the best ever! What was it that made it and the "breakfast for dinner" so delicious? I think it was satisfaction and exhaustion from a job well done.

It is not pronounced "holl-ow"

Here I am back in the hollers of Kentuck. They asked me to share a little about the area and my personal experience with it. I really didn't realize just how negative my thoughts were until I heard myself speak. During our introductions, Sharon asked us to share one expectation we had for the week. Without thinking, I said I wanted to come here and work with a different attitude. This morning, driving a group to their worksite, I could hear the birds singing everywhere. Driving down the road, sitting at the stoplights. Birds singing and sun shining over the misty mountain tops. The attitude is already changing.

Fun, fun fun!

Last week Rob and I went to Ohio to celebrate the wedding of Emily Beck. Helping with the many little things that go along with the ceremony and a 300 person reception was fun! After all, it really wasn't our responsibility, we just got to play with flowers, oranges, gold fish and eat some good food and see some great people.

This week I have spent each evening with 25 children ranging from 4 - 13 years old at VBS. Even with the responsibilities I had, it too was fun. Getting hugs from little boys and girls, watching small faces change from frowns to smiles at the mention of lemonade, seeing adults playing kickball and eating popsicles and enjoy being kids themselves again.

Next week? Well next week, I get to rest up from all of this fun! Then...well, we'll talk about that later.

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!

I never cease to be amazed at how small, seemingly unimportant things can make a day seem so much brighter! Praise God for creating minds that can figure out how to cut a canopy of leaves out of a $1 plastic tablecloth!

Whatsoever you do....

There's something wonderful about being able to offer respite to another. Something so comforting to me in the act of providing comfort for another. Knowing that one is safe, and able to rest comfortably in my home, to be provided for with the basic things that we often take for granted....a soft place to lay your head, drinkable water, fresh food, a shower.

"Karen, you can't take everyone home with you."

Maybe not. But I think I'd like to.

Welcome to the family Rebekka Elaine Larson!!

With brother Eric


With brother Alec


With sister Annika


Rebekka

I'm the mama

Fixing breakfast, surprise donations for VBS, free and easy AT hikers healing and resting in my home, being given "trail names" - Mama and Papa Cassell, The Homeplace biscuits and gravy

Me: "I'm really gonna try not to "mother" you too much."
Australian Just Mike: "That's ok, I miss being mothered somewhat."

Me: "Well, I guess I'll go to the office and try to do some "ministering."
John: "You've already done more than called for today. You're way ahead of the game."

Look out world, here she comes!

First Day of School

Last Day of School

Oh, the places she'll go!

Close your eyes and think of me

Spring, the way the bright green of the hillsides pop against the blue sky, random tufts of daffodils on the roadside, little waterfalls cascading down the mountain side from morning rains, the blue hazy mountains of home, mountain top views and valley communities, Deep Purple, Carol King and other classic rock groups, coming home after a long day to a dinner of flounder

Welcome to the family Esther Pearl Ferris!

Born March 22, 2008 8lb 14 oz

Brother Henry and Daddy (Paul David)


Mama (Mary)

Lord, help my unbelief

The devotion I read today had this statement, "...truth does not depend on my understanding..."

There is so much I try to understand, but don't...God loves me, flawed as I am. Jesus died for me. People love me even though their actions, and sometimes their words, seem to contradict it. Then on the opposite end of the scale...people go on mass killing sprees, abuse those without the power to protect themselves, violence seems to be the reaction of choice. Just to name a few.

These things are true, they just are. My understanding, or lack of understanding, does not change that. In a world that says, "prove it," faith can struggle.

Guide my feet, hold my hand, stand by me, I'm your child

Dana Belle: "Well Karen, you're installed now!"
Me: "Yep, just like an appliance."

So went an exchange between myself and a member of the congregation where I have been called to serve as the Assistant Pastor.

The role of a pastor, the meaning of ordination within the Church of the Brethren, the training for leadership in the church. These topics have been among the many I have discussed with Dana Beth and several of those young adults she has spent the past 3 years with. For me, however, in the past 5 months, they have become most significant, especially today during my "installation service." The comment I made to Dana Belle was a little sarcastic and said in jest, but then as I see what Webster has for a definition of the word "install," I'm not so sure I was that far off....

1 a: to place in an office or dignity by seating in a stall or official seat b: to induct into an office, rank, or order 2: to establish in an indicated place, condition, or status 3: to set up for use or service

Yep, there it is "to set up for use or service." That's me.

Hokies in Hooville

It has been a long time, I know. So long, in fact, that there are just way too many things to post. Here are just a few highlights:

praying with a young couple waiting for their infant daughter to go into surgery, nurses named Ruth and Naomi, waking up and being able to see and wiggle my toes - and NOT throwing up!
hearing that my surgery "went swimmingly", morphine, Sandra and her lavendar lotion
Trish and her red velvet cake, sleeping 2 hours and feeling like it was 8, feeling the prayers of so many, thing grabbers and butt wipers, wonderful, filling, healing vegetable soup (x3), 2 church families, baby boys, lunch with Sue, getting out of the house, Rob's singing, being wanted, accepted and missed

I went to the funeral home today. A lovely lady from Cloverdale who suffered from ALS for almost 2 years died yesterday. She was one of the first people I visited. I had heard some of her story from Glenn and felt that I should take her a prayer shawl when I visited, so I did - a baby blue half-granny square. Sheila loved it. She had many blankets and quilts she used over her legs, but none of them quite fit around her neck and that was where she got cold the most, she said. Every time she came to church, she had the shawl around her shoulders. Today, when I saw her, she still had the shawl. Johnny, her husband, said it has brought her such comfort that it was right that she still have it with her. Held within the arms of God both in this life and the next. How awesome is that?

Whatever happened to the hugabunch?

Once upon a time, I believed the best hugs in the world came from a loving man named Lefty Hoal. I still think Lefty's hugs were wonderful, but now I know that hugs just as wonderful can come from some of the most surprising places...

frail, aging men and women who hold you tight with all their strength
the bedridden friend who holds your hand and doesn't want to let go
the aging patriarch of the church who "confesses" he didn't want anyone to fill the position you now have
the young girl who is so full of love for everyone she seems to burst
the length of yarn woven into "arms of God" to surround me anytime I need a hug

Love, compassion, acceptance, comfort. All can be found in that simple but awesome thing, the hug.

Who are you?

Today has been full of images - images of Jesus, images of the church, and this from J's blog after he recently got a haircut.....

"in the eternal instant between catching our reflection in the mirror and the inevitable reconstruction of our self-image, when our index of self-knowledge is ripped from our minds and we must quickly re-write the entire opus, we are given the rare opportunity to reflect critically on ourselves and evaluate who we are. whether or not we do so is a choice we make only after the moment has passed – after we have returned to the security and warmth of our familiar self-image, often unedited and unredacted, only slightly re-indexed. even so, we return to ourselves with the knowledge that we are constructed beings, as well as with the insight that with a little more effort than simply clutching to the familiar we can reconstruct ourselves in profound ways. more often than not, however, we simply allow the opportunity to pass, brushing off the entire experience with the ritual liturgy of uncritical indifference: ‘hey, i look different. i’ll have to get used to this.’ and the congregation responds with: ‘it looks good,’ or ‘it will grow back.’ amen."

Love came down at Christmas

having both of my girls home, Lowell Wine's vast knowledge, travels and experience and his recognition of me as a "pastor," being part of 2, count 'em - 2, congregations, Martin's singing of "Mary did you know," having an office, Christmas traditions - old and new, seeing Jeff and knowing he is with Sandra and Tommy on Christmas morning, babies in the family, babies in church, the totally awesome concept of the child, brother, high priest, savior and lord who is the Son of God and God

According to Lowell:
"Women have a choice. Men don't."

"Lot's of people have knowledge, but some of them never gain wisdom."

"I had a few scary times, like when I was chased by a moose. Luckily, I could manouver around the trees of the forest better than he could."

"It was a universal worship service. I asked what I needed to do to be a part. I was told to put some rose petals into the flame. I did, and began to worship. I don't know if I was doing it right or not, but they all accepted me as part of it."

"It all started when I was about 40 years old. I thought about what my mother always said, "Lowell, you are made up of 3 parts. You are physical, mental and spiritual. You need to take care of each part in order to be a whole person...I would walk at least 20 miles a week, sometimes 15 in one day...I taught statistics, very mental...my photography was very spiritual for me."

God bless us...everyone

Rob's 50 years, Dickens of a Christmas, citrus-y smelling trees, all white decorations on Jojo and Bobby's tree, learning that messages can come together over time and we just have to be patient

and the soul felt it's worth

Friday:
Mac and Bob's veggie sandwiches, RSO and area choral groups performing O Holy Night, ballerinas in toe shoes, hundreds of people singing carols, relaxing

Saturday:
listening to Rob share, pecan waffles, children who listen, share and care, the cute little boy who told Santa he only wanted a penguin then seeing his face when he got one, remembering what it is like to be with preschool and elementary age kids, really good crab cakes, banana split ice cream

The baby comes to see the baby!

quiet time at home, time with my aunt Kathleen and cousin Tammy, roasted tomatoes, shared paths of motherhood and individuality, affirmation from one who means so much to me, coming to understand just a smidgen about God's time

Are we dancing yet?

sausage gravy, mother/father God, memories of Bill Shell at Thunder Alley, pictures on the wall, paperwork done, Sanner Kay's 56 years of life, Annika and her little pink socks, Jennifer, Mother

"You are a catalyst."

christmas sweaters and Hokie scarves - together, children's stories that actually work like I planned, Hope found in sermons, children and unscheduled meetings, creative and sharing women, chocolate chip cheese cake, promises of the yet-to-be

What on earth am I doing?

My "position description":

Provide, plan and coordinate, develop, assist, facilitate, secure, teach, serve, participate, foster, maintain, attend, engage, arrange, take, attain, become

I like the fact that the last verb is "become." Hints to the fact that what I am not in the beginning, I will become.

The table of grace

sunshine warm on my face, returned phone calls, prayer shawl and VT quilt naps, Robin's hugs, an evolving office, hot tea

What's scary?

2 pastors trapped at a funeral home during visitation by this...

"I was in the service, got out and I knew I was supposed to be a preacher...but God didn't want me to be a preacher...I found out what I was supposed to do...it's really too deep to go into here. I'm a messenger of God, that's it. I've written 3 books, I'll get them to you, you need to read them...There is only one bible - the King James...blessed by the angel Gabriel...If you're reading something else, you might as well be reading Tom Sawyer...If I go into a church that has something other than the King James, I gotta get out of there. It's scary, you know?"

Some of the roses along the way...

Ashley, B, Leah at the infamous "dog fountain" downtown.

Ashley, B, Leah attempt to bring the caboose to a screeching halt

while Bruce hangs on for dear life!

Henry has had enough!

Trish and Alec playing "Who's Who?"

Paul David & Mary looking at old family photos.

Who will the next little one be named after?

Russell, Ann, B, Jerry Ann, Blaire, Brad at the

"Annual Wednesday night before Thanksgiving Dinner at Macado's"

For all these gifts, we give you thanks

my girls at home, annual t'giving dinner w/"my kids," Thanksgiving breakfast, new faces at 1st, familiar worship without responsibilities, "great" kids, mother's unexpected acceptance and acknowledgement, sisters, Rob's eloquent statements, in-laws, restful sleep

Those other blessings

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, superficial relationships, so that you will live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people so that you will work for justice, equality and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you will reach out your hand to comfort them and change their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with the foolishness to think that you can make a difference in the world, so that you will do the things which others tell you cannot be done.

- Author Unknown

Thanksfully good!

being reminded that we have more in common than i remembered, friends who make themselves at home, shared tears, sharing crochet stitches, Darrell, Sheila, Jim, Diane, VT football, Susan's catering, fall, sunshine through leaves, backyard gazebos already decorated for christmas, puppies, children who want to share...and share...and share...

Lil sis and middle sis

compassionate nurses, no spinal injections, country music through huge earphones, the first snowflakes of the year, time with Sandra

Antietam

The road above is "The sunken road" also known as "Bloody Lane."

My first thoughts when I saw it..."yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."

The Dunker Church

Applebutter 2007

'Neath the familiar towering spire

While Mike faithfully manages the roaring fire

"Bucket Boy" Bill 'splains how it's done,

And mom and daughter are glad it's only one!

The crew and Mason take a well deserved break,

The cool air makes Katie D's replacement shiver and shake

"Bumping rumps in church!"

banana wheat pancakes, Friendship Class singing, youth led worship, my very own traveling communion kit, prayer shawls, hugs and the combined tears of happiness and sorrow, lunch with Ezekiel, Leah and wedding showers for the rich and famous, the church building in use 7 days a week, Rob's echoing to me my own word of advice, "Breathe."

"This is dangerous stuff"

Clear blue autumn skies, hawks overseeing human efforts, applebutter making, cream cheese bars, Lois Hylton's surprising humorous remarks, 4 year old birthdays, teeny black puppies, the one of a kind all together strange and wonderful thing that is First Church and knowing they will always love me.

"Do what you have to do and let God take care of First Church."

Things I like about the past few days:

Belcher women and b'day lunches, Annika' smile, Bedford Station, dinners w/the First Church crew, Camp Bethel, swinging, facilitating scriptural discoveries, mocha coffee on cool autumn days, fall colors, fresh flowers, candles, singing, First Church of the Brethren


Things I am not sure how to feel about:

Virginia Sinks' tears, Ann Kinder's tight grasp of my hand, Charlie's sarcastic yet hesitant goodbyes, Sue's grief hidden under false stern demands, Betty's hesitant expressions of endearment, Mary Frances' hugs and conditions, saying goodbye and yet not going anywhere, leaving when there are so few left, opportunities for ministry in areas that touch my heart, being called "mature", being wanted to fulfill a position of ministerial leadership, working with a seasoned, genuinally humble and gentle pastor, an office w/a computer and DSL not 10 minutes from my house, working in and studying the same thing, knowing it is right while it is also hard

Exciting? Scary? If it were dull and familiar then it probably isn't right.

finding out that when you put it on paper, what you are doing is more than you ever imagined; knowing that a breathe is coming; sheila's wisdom; michael's talks from the heart; feeling that b is right where she should be

Are you tired? NO! Are you mad? NO! I'M BOTH!

long drives with Rob, Fall, Ashley the adult, tiramasu, silence in the once bloody battlefield, century old towns, peanut butter swirl ice cream, the beauty that is Virginia, David's voice speaking the Word, Carol Lena's smile and hugs, Jonas' wisdom, Zeb's giggle, That Mouth!, Rob and Jonas catching butterflies, my own bed

Life

It has been a while. Not because there is nothing to be thankful for, but because I have been overwhelmed.

UVA visits with neuro surgeons
Pending neuro tests that make me cringe
Back pain
I am an Assistant Pastor
I have an office
B is in Elgin
B has a...cubicle
Leah is safe and sound
Sam is home with hospice
My shared b-day with Daddy is coming up soon
This OT class has a lot of reading
Leadership for Prayer Retreat to do
Annual Conference Jr High event to plan
Saying good-bye to First
Wondering if I will be at T'giving worship and breakfast
Upcoming visits and visitors
More expected great nieces/nephews
Being part of prayers answered

This weekend

Leah at home, Heritage Day, Daleville fried apple pies, "Better than sex cake" - at Camp Bethel???!!!dinner and football with friends, looking out at all the familiar faces, children running down the aisle, church at Wendy's, Love Feast, 3-year olds that break the gender barrier and want to wash feet, making Mike Dowdy speechless

"...not to be served, but to serve"

I am humbled by...
the look in the eyes of the annointed
the call to serve from those who do not know me
the honest concern of a little boy named Ezekiel

Today's song

Spare a little candle
Save some light for me
figures up ahead
Moving in the trees
White skin in linen
Perfume on my wrist
And the full moon that hangs over
these dreams in the mist
Darkness on the edge
Shadows where I stand
I search for the time
On a watch with no hands
I want to see you clearly
Come closer than this
But all I remember
Are the dreams in the mist
These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

Is it cloak 'n dagger
Could it be spring or fall
I walk without a cut
Through a stained glass wall
Weaker in my eyesight
The candle in my grip
And words that have no form
Are falling from my lips

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

There's something out there
I can't resist
I need to hide away from the pain
There's something out there
I can't resist
The sweetest song is silence
That I've ever heard
Funny how your feet
In dreams never touch the earth
In a wood full of princes
Freedom is a kiss
But the prince hides his face
From dreams in the mist

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
Every second of the night I live another life
These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside
Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

Heart - These Dreams

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace

sleeping till 9, doing homework in pj's, coffee w/b, coffee on the backporch, a quiet house, my old school Heart CD, Ezekial playing bells, friends telling me not to obsess

My soul thirsts

There have only been 3 things in my life that have caused my entire being to ache. It is not like my backache, not like a headache or toothache. I guess it is a soulache. Now there are 2 more, one brought about by the other. Grief stricken over the death of a pastor, mentor, advisor, friend brought about by the desire to make the right decision.

Lead me Lord

Lead me, Lord,
lead me in thy righteousness.
Make thy way plain
before my face.

For it is thou, Lord,
thou Lord only,
that maketh me dwell in safety.

"God, Thank you. Take away the pain. Amen"

bells on the way to work, cherry coke zero, watermelon, clean towels, a little boy's healing prayers, olive garden salad

Labor Day

harvest grain pancakes, baby voices, figuring out the way in, the front porch swing and the back porch chair, thank you cards from sweet little boys, burnt hotdogs, Leah's call

Today's song

Walk humbly, son
Walk humbly, now
And cherish every step
For a life well spent
On this earth we're lent
Will be marked by the void you have left

May you conquer not curse challenges
May you hold back the dark like a dam
May you lead your life with lion's roar
May you leave it like a lamb

Don't await rewards for your good deeds
A reward won't make them good
Don't await judgment of any foes
They'll receive just what they should

When you find the axis of this world
Don't tread too far inside
Run away as far as you think you can
Be well and enjoy the ride

Walk humbly, son
And store your pride
When you need strength later on
For your life's work will be judged if earth
Is saddened when you have gone

Walk humbly, son
Walk humbly, how
And forget not where you are from
May you go further than those before
And provide for those to come

Will you walk humbly, Son?

Walk Humbly, Son
(Eddie from Ohio)

It's hard to be humble with you are blessed with so many gifts

people as loopy as me, "She doesn't take orders, she gives orders!", the possibility of FCOB applebutter once again, meeting new neighbors and catching up with old ones, children in my yard, swinging with Logan singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and watching his "happy dance" reaction to the bubbles in Sprite, helping Willie explain to Megan that Tennessee and West Virginia/Kentucky accents are not actually foreign languages

I need a haircut, I really need a haircut...

completing work without interruption, actually helping someone, durango chicken salad, post office lines that move quickly, alaskan snow crab legs, FRIENDS!, b's shoulder rubs, leah's voice saying, "yeah, i'm ok", open windows, watermelon

You are so lucky

an unexpected day off, sharing grief, clean towels, Lena Webster's 106 years of life

One ringy dingy

a good night's sleep followed by a clear head in the morning, little kids walking past my office window all in a row like little ducks following mama, salad, sunshine on my back porch, for some reason...the sound of the school bus in the morning, Leah's voice, B's hugs, new possibilities

From the top

completion of tasks, no injections, finding out it is ok that sermon hasn't come to be, talking to neighbors, roast beef, iced french vanilla latte, seeing old friends and hearing that other old friends are doing well

Today's song

When I was young, it seemed that life
was so wonderful,a miracle,
oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees,
well they'd be singing so happily,
oh, joyfully, oh, playfully watching me.

But then they sent me away,
to teach me how to be sensible,
logical oh, responsible practical.
And they showed me a world
where I could be so dependable,
oh, clinical, oh, intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep for such a simple man
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned?
I know it sounds absurd. Please tell me who I am

I said, now watch what you say or
they'll be calling you a radical,
a liberal, oh fanatical, criminal.
Oh, won't you sign up your name,
we'd like to feel you're acceptable,
respectable, oh, presentable, a vegetable!

At night, when all the world's asleep
the questions run too deep for such a simple man
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned?

Please tell me who I am who I am who I am who I am

(At Vance, Logical Song)

Black coffee?

For Wednesday:

Susan cooking Ecuadorian, Leah sharing Ecuador, Sara's bright happy face, knowing I am loved and cared about

You don't need drugs to be loopy

enthusiastic Ashley and Lynsey, alligators at dinner, hushpuppies, Susan parasailing

Save the children

When we don't know things, we can feel vulnerable. Those who know are in a position to control our lives with that knowledge - even if it is but a small portion. Some have a tendency to hide or even lie to keep others from knowing things. They too feel vulnerable, not because they don't know but because others do. Feeling vulnerable for any reason can inhibit our relationships.

Parents pass more on to their children than they know. It is a shame that we can't recognize our foibles for what they are and at least try to explain them to our children before they become hinderances in their relationships.

When we put our relationships with those we love at risk because of our own unadmitted, unexamined inadequencies,
Lord have mercy.

Vacation

the smile i feel not only on my face but throughout my entire being when i am at the beach, small children, the taste of homemade ice cream, feeling my bones being warmed by the sun, phone calls from Michael Ranson, spaghetti towers and the excitement and concentration of Lynsey and B, wondering about the deserted homes along the road

When we can't let each other be...

Lord have mercy.

Break down the walls

egg sandwiches, a clean desk, both my girls at home, good tomatoes, possibilities

Question...

what is the role of the "pastor" in the church? (this question encompasses the historical, the present and the ideal)

The church or pre-school?

"Do this because I said so," "Don't take time to think about it, just do it," not listening, not understanding but not asking questions then complaining, "I", "Me", stomping feet, talking to hear yourself talk, asking questions and not listening for the answers, whispering, "Yeah, we know it hasn't been used in 25 years, and it is made out of cardboard and doesn't work, but we couldn't throw it away. Oh, yeah, we did throw away that thing, though, even though it was used every Sunday, has been here for several years and is in great condition."

Saturday

pecan waffles, the market, internationally known musicians performing at Salem Farmer's Market solo, bbq, a quiet house

TGIF

Fridays, friends, chocolate sauce/berry sauce/brownie/vanilla ice cream/hot fudge sauce/whipped cream - in that order, relief, talking, agreeing, knowing that the beach is only a week away

Talking about my girl...

morning devos that make me think, water, Harley ride offers, Leah's smile, iced mocha latte, IM's with Ash

Beyond what I can see

sunday school hymn sings, Ethan Flowers, new voices, Lois Kathryn's 90 years of life, Sunday afternoon naps, Roanoke, VA

Freedom

sleeping in, leisurely breakfast and paper, J's much simplified Christmas wreath on my back porch, only 2 chapters of Greek to go, cookies and cream milkshakes

Today's song

Funny that at Bible Study last night, the topic was the discipline of simple living then this morning hearing the bells at Green Memorial toll this tune.

"Simple Gifts" was written by Elder Joseph while he was at the Shaker community in Alfred, Maine in 1848. These are the lyrics to his one verse song:

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right.

'Tis a gift

church bells, no dictation, being there to pray, fresh salad, 2 chapters!

Don't worry! Be happy!

yogurt and fresh berries, good shoes, slow and steady rain, peanut butter, opportunities and sought after advice, being reminded of what is important, considering my life - what it is and what it needs to become, worry vs concern

Hazy, rainy day

shared grief over the shortage of customer care, expressed confidence in my work, can't say it enough - a quiet office, patient and helpful service, left-0ver hobos for lunch and left-over Homeplace fried chicken for dinner, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, iced mocha latte, rain

You can mooch off of us anytime

yogurt and fresh blueberries, self-checkouts that actually work, hobos, fresh corn, Katie and Emily, adoptions

Beautiful

Abbott Lake at the Peaks of Otter, Bedford, VA

Through the cattails

Lush ferns

Sunset over the Blue Ridge

Today's song

In the quiet of the shadow
In the corner of a room
Darkness moves upon you
Like a cloud across the moon

You're a-wearing all the silence
Of a constant that will turn
Like the windmill left deserted
Or the sun forever burn
So don't forget to breathe

Don't forget to breathe
Your whole life is here
No eleventh hour reprieve
So don't forget to breathe
Keep your head above water
But don't forget to breathe

And all the suffering that you've witnessed
And the hand prints on the wall
They remind you how it's endless
How endlessly you fall
And the answer that you're seeking
For the question that you found
Drives you further to confusion
As you lose your sense of ground
So don't forget to breathe

Don't forget to breathe
Your whole life is here
No eleventh hour reprieve
So don't forget to breathe
Keep your head above water
But don't forget to breathe Breathe....

Don't forget to breathe
Don't forget to breathe
You know you are here
But you find you want to leave
So don't forget to... breathe

Just breathe
Just breathe
Just breathe...
Just breathe...
Just breathe...

Breathe, Alexi Murdoch

Don't forget to breathe

lunch on the Market, Peace Rallies, driving alone in silence, speaking my mind, almonds and dates, B's calls

His hand the wonders wrought

Kroger at 8:30 am, Eric, Alec and Annika, cream cheese brownies, Cinnabon apple pie, Diana's slaw and Charlie's venison bbq, Peaks of Otter, Gerald rolling down the hill, Maddie and Reagan, Charlie Tuck, new friends from Indiana, hearing that someone can actually take 7 years to complete a MDiv, deer eating out of Diana's hand and my Blue Ridge Mountains

Just tell them to buy another half a car then they will have a whole!

fresh peaches for breakfast, quiet workplace, vinyard salad with raspberry vinagret dressing, books in the mail, accountability, Sheila, The Homeplace, family dinners, Leah's logic, B's questions, Rob talking

Today's song

Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above,
Don't fence me in.
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love,
Don't fence me in.

Let me be by myself in the evenin' breeze,
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees,
Send me off forever but I ask you please,
Don't fence me in.

Just turn me loose, let me straddle my old saddle
Underneath the western skies.
On my Cayuse, let me wander over yonder
Till I see the mountains rise.
I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences
And gaze at the moon till I lose my senses
And I can't look at hovels and I can't stand fences
Don't fence me in.

Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies,
Don't fence me in.
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love,
Don't fence me in.

Let me be by myself in the evenin' breeze
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever but I ask you please,
Don't fence me in

Just turn me loose, let me straddle my old saddle
Underneath the western skies
On my Cayuse, let me wander over yonder
Till I see the mountains rise.
Ba boo ba ba boo.

I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences
And gaze at the moon till I lose my senses
And I can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences
Don't fence me in.
No. Poppa, don't you fence me in

Don't Fence Me In: Cole Porter

It's ok, I could tell it was needed

For Tuesday:

apologizing, baby talk from the back seat, Annika's smile, watching her learn how to eat, rocking a baby again, hearing the "pop" sound of canning jars full of beans sealing, leftovers, dreams

"A pillar is a crawly thing - like a catepillar!"

adjusted glasses and spine, butterflies in my backyard, corn on the cob, macaroni salad and some very rare peaches,

thoughts of how the institution of the church has become comparable to my old chenille blanket or maybe Daddy's Masonic key fob - a man-made entity that brings comfort and familiarity and something that I grieve over losing and yet know that those things it represents are always with me

"We are all on the same journey".... or are we?

driving through Franklin County to a small country church and finding the door open "in case someone needs to get in," almond pound cake, thank you cards, hugs, Bobby asking, "Why do people keep coming back here?" all the while meaning, "Why do WE keep coming back here?" Camp Bethel, church picnics, peanut butter cupcakes, macaroni salad, watermelon, old friends, tandem prayer shawl making

Seek and you shall find, ask and you will be given, knock and the door will be opened: it is so easy to say these words and teach that if only we believe - if only we have enough faith - if we only pray, then what we seek and ask for, we will be given. That can be a little like the "secret" - just believe and visualize something enough and it will be manifested. I don't think it is that simple. For me, it is not the belief, the faith or the prayer life that is in question, but that thing we are seeking and asking for. I don't doubt that all things are possible with God. What I doubt is whether my desires are God's desires, whether my self-imposed needs are what God sees as my needs, whether that which I seek and ask for is God's will.

I think that the church fails in this teaching at times. Movies that show good, honest, church-going people suffering, needing who come to a realization that they need God's help, then show these same people healed from their suffering and their needs provided....they do not teach what faith, what being a disciple is all about. They do not teach that those who serve God will indeed suffer, will indeed have needs. They show a life of priviledge one can have just by being "christian." What a farce.

"You get more like your mother all the time."

family in the morning - Rob and I watched (Rob even helped carry trays for) a family reunion group having breakfast together at K & W Cafeteria

family at noon time - lunch with the Ferris/Belcher clan - great grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, babies and more on the way!

family as the sun went down - surprise b-day cookout for Bobby at Susan's - cousins, cousins and more cousins!

Watching Lynsey's face as she sat through the hundreds and hundreds of stories about people she did not and would never know, I have to say that I know how she feels. And yet, it means a great deal to me. Knowing where those who came before actually came from helps me to understand where I have been and where I am. Hopefully it will also help me in finding which way to go. (this probably makes no sense to anyone else, but that's ok - it is, after all, MY blog.)

"OH!"

the Market, Sheila, Eric, Alec and Annika, ordering books, making prayer shawls, the smell of fresh cut grass

Just breathe

a clean desk, chicken durango salad, Holly, iced mocha latte, Frank Kinder's surprising comments, coconut shrimp, hershey brownies, watching friends come to grips with their children's lives, sharing parental love and helplessness

We are family

being in agreement, working in silence...all day, the lack of drama, tea and limeade, running, Trish, Sandra, calm inside when storms are raging outside

Manifestation - the secret

getting lost in work, champagne poppy seed dressing, Williams Memorial women supporting women in ministry, feeling as if my consult and support are wanted and appreciated, knowing where my home really is and not having my heart divided, my chiropractor's massager, running at my own pace in my own place, veggie dinners, moose tracks ice cream, air conditioning

Dream Weaver

Pete's for breakfast, The Market, spinach and tomato pizza, folk singing in the square, beautiful young girls who grow up into beautiful women, my "kids" who aren't "kids" any longer, homeplace weddings, "You're family! Even if we don't see you!"

Boondocks....Coal mines....all the same

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul
In the boondocks

I can feel that
Muddy water runnin' through my veins
I can hear that lullaby of the midnight train
And it sings to me and sounds familiar
I can taste that honeysuckle
And it's still so sweet
When it grows wild
On the banks down at old Camp Creek
And it calls to me like a warm wind blowin'

It's where I learned about livin'
Its where I learned about love
Its where I learned about working hard,
And having a little was just enough
It's where I learned about Jesus
And knowin' where I stand

You can take it or leave it
This is me
This is who I am
Give me a tin roof, a front porch, and a gravel road
And thats home to me, feels like home to me

You get a line I'll get a pole
We'll go fishin' in the crawfish hole
Five card poker on Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning

Boondocks, Little Big Town

I watched them pluck the feathers off those pigs

sisters in faith who share my concern for others, Bobby and JoJo's history, family dynamics, Lyndsey's expressions of shock and groans of boredom, family - known and unknown

We are so limited, so much so that we don't even recognize it

Maybe, just maybe, some day we will all recognize that the power and grace of God is more than our limited human minds can comprehend...then maybe, just maybe, we can stop acting out of our humanness and make an attempt to live within that unimaginable power and grace with all of God's creation.

prayer, wonderfully intelligent children, trying to figure out what the words I say mean to me, patient husbands, those who pray for reconcilliation in the midst of disagreement, Owen's grace, the striving of the body of Christ, the wonder-full struggle to grasp even a tiny part of that which is God