Beyond what I can see

sunday school hymn sings, Ethan Flowers, new voices, Lois Kathryn's 90 years of life, Sunday afternoon naps, Roanoke, VA

Freedom

sleeping in, leisurely breakfast and paper, J's much simplified Christmas wreath on my back porch, only 2 chapters of Greek to go, cookies and cream milkshakes

Today's song

Funny that at Bible Study last night, the topic was the discipline of simple living then this morning hearing the bells at Green Memorial toll this tune.

"Simple Gifts" was written by Elder Joseph while he was at the Shaker community in Alfred, Maine in 1848. These are the lyrics to his one verse song:

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come round right.

'Tis a gift

church bells, no dictation, being there to pray, fresh salad, 2 chapters!

Don't worry! Be happy!

yogurt and fresh berries, good shoes, slow and steady rain, peanut butter, opportunities and sought after advice, being reminded of what is important, considering my life - what it is and what it needs to become, worry vs concern

Hazy, rainy day

shared grief over the shortage of customer care, expressed confidence in my work, can't say it enough - a quiet office, patient and helpful service, left-0ver hobos for lunch and left-over Homeplace fried chicken for dinner, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, iced mocha latte, rain

You can mooch off of us anytime

yogurt and fresh blueberries, self-checkouts that actually work, hobos, fresh corn, Katie and Emily, adoptions

Beautiful

Abbott Lake at the Peaks of Otter, Bedford, VA

Through the cattails

Lush ferns

Sunset over the Blue Ridge

Today's song

In the quiet of the shadow
In the corner of a room
Darkness moves upon you
Like a cloud across the moon

You're a-wearing all the silence
Of a constant that will turn
Like the windmill left deserted
Or the sun forever burn
So don't forget to breathe

Don't forget to breathe
Your whole life is here
No eleventh hour reprieve
So don't forget to breathe
Keep your head above water
But don't forget to breathe

And all the suffering that you've witnessed
And the hand prints on the wall
They remind you how it's endless
How endlessly you fall
And the answer that you're seeking
For the question that you found
Drives you further to confusion
As you lose your sense of ground
So don't forget to breathe

Don't forget to breathe
Your whole life is here
No eleventh hour reprieve
So don't forget to breathe
Keep your head above water
But don't forget to breathe Breathe....

Don't forget to breathe
Don't forget to breathe
You know you are here
But you find you want to leave
So don't forget to... breathe

Just breathe
Just breathe
Just breathe...
Just breathe...
Just breathe...

Breathe, Alexi Murdoch

Don't forget to breathe

lunch on the Market, Peace Rallies, driving alone in silence, speaking my mind, almonds and dates, B's calls

His hand the wonders wrought

Kroger at 8:30 am, Eric, Alec and Annika, cream cheese brownies, Cinnabon apple pie, Diana's slaw and Charlie's venison bbq, Peaks of Otter, Gerald rolling down the hill, Maddie and Reagan, Charlie Tuck, new friends from Indiana, hearing that someone can actually take 7 years to complete a MDiv, deer eating out of Diana's hand and my Blue Ridge Mountains

Just tell them to buy another half a car then they will have a whole!

fresh peaches for breakfast, quiet workplace, vinyard salad with raspberry vinagret dressing, books in the mail, accountability, Sheila, The Homeplace, family dinners, Leah's logic, B's questions, Rob talking

Today's song

Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above,
Don't fence me in.
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love,
Don't fence me in.

Let me be by myself in the evenin' breeze,
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees,
Send me off forever but I ask you please,
Don't fence me in.

Just turn me loose, let me straddle my old saddle
Underneath the western skies.
On my Cayuse, let me wander over yonder
Till I see the mountains rise.
I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences
And gaze at the moon till I lose my senses
And I can't look at hovels and I can't stand fences
Don't fence me in.

Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies,
Don't fence me in.
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love,
Don't fence me in.

Let me be by myself in the evenin' breeze
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever but I ask you please,
Don't fence me in

Just turn me loose, let me straddle my old saddle
Underneath the western skies
On my Cayuse, let me wander over yonder
Till I see the mountains rise.
Ba boo ba ba boo.

I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences
And gaze at the moon till I lose my senses
And I can't look at hobbles and I can't stand fences
Don't fence me in.
No. Poppa, don't you fence me in

Don't Fence Me In: Cole Porter

It's ok, I could tell it was needed

For Tuesday:

apologizing, baby talk from the back seat, Annika's smile, watching her learn how to eat, rocking a baby again, hearing the "pop" sound of canning jars full of beans sealing, leftovers, dreams

"A pillar is a crawly thing - like a catepillar!"

adjusted glasses and spine, butterflies in my backyard, corn on the cob, macaroni salad and some very rare peaches,

thoughts of how the institution of the church has become comparable to my old chenille blanket or maybe Daddy's Masonic key fob - a man-made entity that brings comfort and familiarity and something that I grieve over losing and yet know that those things it represents are always with me

"We are all on the same journey".... or are we?

driving through Franklin County to a small country church and finding the door open "in case someone needs to get in," almond pound cake, thank you cards, hugs, Bobby asking, "Why do people keep coming back here?" all the while meaning, "Why do WE keep coming back here?" Camp Bethel, church picnics, peanut butter cupcakes, macaroni salad, watermelon, old friends, tandem prayer shawl making

Seek and you shall find, ask and you will be given, knock and the door will be opened: it is so easy to say these words and teach that if only we believe - if only we have enough faith - if we only pray, then what we seek and ask for, we will be given. That can be a little like the "secret" - just believe and visualize something enough and it will be manifested. I don't think it is that simple. For me, it is not the belief, the faith or the prayer life that is in question, but that thing we are seeking and asking for. I don't doubt that all things are possible with God. What I doubt is whether my desires are God's desires, whether my self-imposed needs are what God sees as my needs, whether that which I seek and ask for is God's will.

I think that the church fails in this teaching at times. Movies that show good, honest, church-going people suffering, needing who come to a realization that they need God's help, then show these same people healed from their suffering and their needs provided....they do not teach what faith, what being a disciple is all about. They do not teach that those who serve God will indeed suffer, will indeed have needs. They show a life of priviledge one can have just by being "christian." What a farce.

"You get more like your mother all the time."

family in the morning - Rob and I watched (Rob even helped carry trays for) a family reunion group having breakfast together at K & W Cafeteria

family at noon time - lunch with the Ferris/Belcher clan - great grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, babies and more on the way!

family as the sun went down - surprise b-day cookout for Bobby at Susan's - cousins, cousins and more cousins!

Watching Lynsey's face as she sat through the hundreds and hundreds of stories about people she did not and would never know, I have to say that I know how she feels. And yet, it means a great deal to me. Knowing where those who came before actually came from helps me to understand where I have been and where I am. Hopefully it will also help me in finding which way to go. (this probably makes no sense to anyone else, but that's ok - it is, after all, MY blog.)

"OH!"

the Market, Sheila, Eric, Alec and Annika, ordering books, making prayer shawls, the smell of fresh cut grass

Just breathe

a clean desk, chicken durango salad, Holly, iced mocha latte, Frank Kinder's surprising comments, coconut shrimp, hershey brownies, watching friends come to grips with their children's lives, sharing parental love and helplessness

We are family

being in agreement, working in silence...all day, the lack of drama, tea and limeade, running, Trish, Sandra, calm inside when storms are raging outside

Manifestation - the secret

getting lost in work, champagne poppy seed dressing, Williams Memorial women supporting women in ministry, feeling as if my consult and support are wanted and appreciated, knowing where my home really is and not having my heart divided, my chiropractor's massager, running at my own pace in my own place, veggie dinners, moose tracks ice cream, air conditioning

Dream Weaver

Pete's for breakfast, The Market, spinach and tomato pizza, folk singing in the square, beautiful young girls who grow up into beautiful women, my "kids" who aren't "kids" any longer, homeplace weddings, "You're family! Even if we don't see you!"

Boondocks....Coal mines....all the same

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul
In the boondocks

I can feel that
Muddy water runnin' through my veins
I can hear that lullaby of the midnight train
And it sings to me and sounds familiar
I can taste that honeysuckle
And it's still so sweet
When it grows wild
On the banks down at old Camp Creek
And it calls to me like a warm wind blowin'

It's where I learned about livin'
Its where I learned about love
Its where I learned about working hard,
And having a little was just enough
It's where I learned about Jesus
And knowin' where I stand

You can take it or leave it
This is me
This is who I am
Give me a tin roof, a front porch, and a gravel road
And thats home to me, feels like home to me

You get a line I'll get a pole
We'll go fishin' in the crawfish hole
Five card poker on Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning

Boondocks, Little Big Town

I watched them pluck the feathers off those pigs

sisters in faith who share my concern for others, Bobby and JoJo's history, family dynamics, Lyndsey's expressions of shock and groans of boredom, family - known and unknown

We are so limited, so much so that we don't even recognize it

Maybe, just maybe, some day we will all recognize that the power and grace of God is more than our limited human minds can comprehend...then maybe, just maybe, we can stop acting out of our humanness and make an attempt to live within that unimaginable power and grace with all of God's creation.

prayer, wonderfully intelligent children, trying to figure out what the words I say mean to me, patient husbands, those who pray for reconcilliation in the midst of disagreement, Owen's grace, the striving of the body of Christ, the wonder-full struggle to grasp even a tiny part of that which is God

What a wonderful world

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"
They're really saying "I love you"

I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Oh yeah
(George Weiss/Bob Thiele)

Playing catch-up

"this is a ministry that was literally dropped on our doorstep! How can we not respond?"
Michael's passion
seeing the old familiar gleam in Jeremy's eyes
ooooooh child things are gonna get easier, things'll get brighter
no asbestos floating around!!!!
Service man to pastor: How can I be saved?....You answered just right...there's no charge.
actually finding a bathing suit that fits and even kinda liking it
my back porch in the rain
friends asking "How are YOU doing?" and knowing they really want to know
anticipating the arrival of my most favorite first oldest daughter in the whole wide world
anticipation of seeing Darrell and Sheila, Jim and Diane
short but very sweet relief
sleep
being able to see PD, Mary and Henry through the miracle that is the web
little baby boys who can't take their eyes off Rob
big black dogs with large barks and no bite

Today's song

Nothing shatters nothing breaks
Nothing hurts and nothing aches
We've got ourselves one helluva place in my heaven

Looking down at the world below
A bunch of whining, fighting schmo's
Up here we've got none of those, in my heaven

There's pools and lakes and hills and mountains
Music, art, and lighted fountains
Who needs bucks here, no one's counting
In my heaven

No one works, we all just play
We pick the weather everyday
If you change your mind, that's ok, in my heaven

Grandma's up here, Grandpa too
In a condo with to-die-for views
There's presidents and movie stars
You just come as you are
No one's lost and no one's missing
No more parting just hugs and kissing
And all these stars are just for wishing
In my heaven

There's little white lights everywhere
Your childhood dog in Dad's old chair
And more memories than my heart can hold
When Eva's singing "Fields of Gold"

There's neighbors, theives and long lost lovers
Villains, poets, kings and mothers
Up here we forgive each other, in my heaven

For every soul that's down there waiting,
Holding on, still hesitating
We say a prayer of levitating, in my heaven

You can look back at your life and lot
But it can't matter what you're not
By the time you're here, we're all we've got
In my heaven
In my heaven
In my heaven

Mary Chapin Carpenter

O healing river, send down your waters

storms and swinging on the front porch while it rains, the coolness following the storm, cleaning out, Ashley ("Maam, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come out of there!") addressing the wrong dressing room, ice packs

Sweet home Alabama

once again, getting work done, a quiet office, being helpful and hearing "Thank you," quiet campus walks, Matthew McConaughey

Today's song

Somewhere, my love,
There will be songs to sing
Although the snow
Covers the hope of spring.

Somewhere a hill
Blossoms in green and gold
And there are dreams
All that your heart can hold.

Someday we'll meet again, my love.
Someday whenever the spring breaks through.

You'll come to me
Out of the long ago,
Warm as the wind,
Soft as the kiss of snow.

Till then, my sweet,
Think of me now and then.
God, speed my love'
Til you are mine again.

Francis Paul WebsterMaurice Jarre
Also known as the Love Theme or Lara's Themefrom the movie Dr. (Doctor) Zhivago

(somehow, just having the words isn't enough...it really needs that balalaika - that's the instrument it was played on in the movie)

Calm

a quiet house, Olive Garden and tiramisu

When the Holy Ghost shows up

Monday:

once again - being able to finish work uninterrupted, In the Garden, spouses with rhyming names (Maude and Claude), hair styles that never change, JoJo worrying about how she worries, seeing people surprised when someone actually does what they say they will do, Brethren harmony in a place with great accoutics singing songs of "questionable" theology

Today's song

Mem'ries,
Light the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we?
Could we?

Mem'ries, may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember...
The way we were...
The way we were...

Barbara Streisand, The Way We Were

Happy Father's Day

Ethan Flowers, a church nursery full of kids, "This is where we believe we are supposed to be," Maude and Claude, photos of people who have come and gone, outdoor wedding receptions with white tents, white table cloths blowing in the gentle breeze, a lovely cake with fresh roses from the Forbes' rose garden, Father's Day filled with celebration and memories - bittersweet

"Nephrology department, can you hold?"

For Saturday:

Owen's smiles and hugs, imagining having huge stained glass windows in my home, black labs, Roanoke City Market on Saturday morning, Bobby trying to catch flying shrimp in his mouth, Baskin Robbins cookies and cream cake

Take me out to the ball game

being able to actually do one thing at a time at work and get it done, watching Diana "boogie," Bub Hannah and 14 hour plane ride stories, Charlie Tuck and macho kidney stone episode stories

blah, blah, blah

Communication. It seems that the older I get the less there is. Some of it I do, I really do understand. The rest of it...well, I guess its lack of respect, lack of trust, shame, disregarding or wanting to avoid.

Oh, and I really do like the daisies in my back yard.

in green pastures, beside still waters

having the sun lull me into happy slumber in my hammock from Ecuador, a house so cool I don't have to shut the windows and turn on the air conditioner, limeade and tea

"We can do no great things; Only small things with great love." Mother Teresa

memories of Paul and Kay, new people at church, sue and her "geetar", young men who call me "maam" and appreciate that their mom would know in that "mom way" if they didn't, completing 4 assignments even before the class begins

Don't wait

JOHN MAYER
Waiting On The World To Change

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could
Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the meansT
o rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting waiting on the world to change

One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

John Mayer

"What are you thinking about?" "Home."

memories of Bet and Jimmy and their pine paneled living room and smoking in Jim's garage bathroom, getting things straightened up, sunlight filtering through trees onto my dining room table, the delightful change in temp on Mill Mountain, small children peeking at large turtles, bird's eye views of the 'Noke, watering flowers

Small things, great love

"treading" to Indigo Girls, reading John in Greek, singing in the choir, hobos, Lynsey's bright face

Find the hope that feeds you

Today's song....

Whatever it was, is wasn't manumission
To spill the blood, to pull the weed
You can bury the past, but it's a mausoleum
With the ghost of a fist that won't let us be
Can we bring it together,
Can we call from the mountain to the valley below?
Can we make it better,
Do we tether the hawk, do we tether the dove?

I kicked up the dirt, and I said to my neighbor
"We keep making it worse, we keep getting it wrong"
He tucked in his shirt, he stood a little bit straighter,
He said "We need a few less words dear, we need a few more guns."
But will it bring us together,
Can we call from the mountain to the valley below?
Can we make it better,
Do we tether the hawk, do we tether the dove?

Enduring love
Why so much and so strong, beyond this short existence?
So don't be still
You say there's a long line behind you
And it's hardly worth the mentioning
But I will
Cause we may flicker and fade,
But we never will be through with this
I see this world battered but not broken
here's a fallow heart, it's waiting on a sowing hand

You can grow what you want,
But one day it's gonna rise up
So plant what you need to make a better stand
And we'll bring it together A
nd we'll call from the mountain to the valley below.
And we'll make it better
Let go of the hawk, we let go of the dove.
I sing to you, all you true believers
With the strength to see this and not be still.
I'm telling you now, find the hope that feeds you,
Don't let 'em bleed you of your will.

Tether - Indigo Girls

When you look, it's amazing what you can see

sunshine and cool breezes, daisies in my backyard, surprise visits at work, meeting former NFL players who now are committed to helping children, new glasses, completing a prayer shawl, calm in B's voice, really cheeeeeesy mac 'n cheese

Yet, I will rejoice in the Lord

After looking through the entire Old Testament, even Googling each for prayers, I was finally given my scripture for the retreat by Trish. I hope this will touch their souls as it does mine.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Though the fig tree does not blossom
and no fruit is on the vines;
though the produce of the olive fails,
and the fields yield no food;
though the flock is cut off from the fold,
and there is no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;

I will exult in the God of my salvation,
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
and makes me tread upon the heights.

"Send out your bread upon the waters"

http://qpugetsound.blogspot.com/2007/04/reflections-on-ecclesiastes-11-and.html

Sambo

Sam Conner never ceases to amaze me. This man who experienced D-Day first hand can share some of the most amazing things with me. Even now, when he is "showing his age," he says some very profound things. Tonight at church, he stopped me as I was coming out of choir practice. He had D-Day on his mind. "I saw a bunch of those guys on the golf course," he said. "They all had flags. I said, "Why do you have those flags? Everyone has American flags! Don't you know that Hitler had a whole case of 'em? Those flags cover things up. They cover up what is in here! (as he pulls aside his sweater vest and places his hand over his heart.)"

As I related this to another friend from church, he said, "Sam is in another world nowadays."
I think Sam knows exactly where he is and what he is saying. And I also think he is right.

As I write this, I think about the song "This little light of mine," especially the verse, "Hide it under a bushel? NO!" Sam doesn't want us to hide what is in our hearts under the flag.

I saw a commercial today for some "lite" drink. The music in the background was a chorus singing "This little light of mine." Of course they meant, "This little "lite" of mine," but I couldn't help but be a little offended by it. Does that make me seem old and dotty? Because I get offended by commercials who use music I sing in church to sell their product? Or is it just another example of taking something out of context and using it for gain? Whatever, I didn't like it. I would rather apply the song to Sam and his opinion of the flag wearers.

No one can do it for me

I know this is a repeat, but it just rings true for me today.

I am unwritten, can't read my mind,
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with eyes wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

NATASHA BEDINGFIELD

Memorial Day 2007

flowers, flowers, flowers, boxes of memories I had...not forgotten, just put aside for a while,

Today's song

Dreamboat Annie
Heading out this morning into the sun
Riding on the diamond waves, little darlin' one
Warm wind caress her
Her lover it seems

Oh, annie
Dreamboat annie my little ship of dreams

Going down the city sidewalk alone in the crowd
No one knows the lonely one whose head's in the clouds
Sad faces painted over with those magazine smiles
Heading out to somewhere won't be back for a while

Heart

"They're not like this"

hymn singing in Sunday School, Bobby's prayers, Annika's squeals, sharing a knowing look with Jen, "fundi," pink daisies in pewter pitchers on my dining room table, friendships that last - no matter what

We can do this again

flowers on my porches, clean swings and rockers, funnel cakes, good crab cakes

Hazy mountains

clean floors, open windows, mill mountain picnics, sam's, "I know you!" and Michael's wild and crazy life.

assertiveness training

identifying the angel in combat boots, hearing that it is ok, smiling inside and out with relief

Just the mom of the stars

home after work, little boy hugs, Alec's infectious laugh

Thanks to Sheila...

Today's song...

All that pressure got you down
Has your head spinning all around
Feel the rhythm, check the ride
Come on along and have a real good time
Like the days of stopping at the Savoy
Now we freak, oh what a joy
Just come on down, two fifty four
Find a spot out on the floor

Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!
Aaahh Freak out!
Le Freak, C'est Chic
Freak out!

Le Freak by Chic

It's a pretty day

finishing a task in the midst of total chaos, trying on "my size" and finding it too big, birds and sunshine outside my window

I'm gonna try again

sunshine through the trees, huge porch swings, ethan flowers, dozing on my back porch

most peculiar

Don't know why, but this song appeals to me today.

Ground Control to Major Tom
Ground Control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
Ground Control to Major Tom
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may God’s love be with you

Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Lift-off

This is Ground Control to Major Tom
You’ve really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it’s time to leave the capsule if you dare

“This is Major Tom to Ground Control
I’m stepping through the door
And I’m floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today

For hereAm I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do

Though I’m past one hundred thousand miles
I’m feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much (she knows!)

Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit’s dead, there’s something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear....

“ am I floating round my tin can
Far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do.?

David Bowie

Tannon - that's me!

Annika's smiles and laughter, Alec's giggles and ever-ready hugs, Eric's 5-year old knowledge and warnings when he is thinking about doing something he shouldn't. These things make my house a home. But then....so does the silence when they are gone. Such is the life of a great-aunt I suppose.

Thanks be to God for children.

Be it ever so humble

I thought that I would be a mom who would be glad to see her kids able to do things and go places - to see the experience things I had not and probably never would. And, for the most part I think I am.

I have to say, though, that I don't think anything has given me as much relief as seeing Leah get off that plane in Roanoke did. I am glad she had the opportunity to study abroad. I am glad she enjoyed doing it. I am even more glad she is back here in the states - home.

Close the door

"There is nowhere to go, and nowhere to hide. "

B wrote the above on her blog in response to the Virginia Tech tragedy (I refuse to use the terminology used by the media - it is just too hard). As I read it, I remembered when I was looking for somewhere to go, to hide, to find a place of complete silence from the world around me, a place where there was no struggle, no hurt.

Some would say a person could find that place inside themselves through meditation and prayer. Some would say that place could be found in a church. Perhaps out in the midst of God's creation - in nature or on the paths of a labyrinth. I found it in none of these places. I found it behind that closed door that the writer of Matthew speaks of. I literally went into my bedroom, shut the door, went into my closet and shut that door.

On my knees in that dark place, I found that all the clothes, shoes, luggage and other "stuff" provided a sound barrier between myself and the "world." I still had to come out and face it all, but for that brief moment, in that most unusual place, I found a place where I could hear what I needed to hear and shut out the rest.

Today, I think I will go back home, go into my closet and pray that everyone else will find theirs.


"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." Matthew 6:6

Promises

"Don't be afraid, my love is stronger,
My love is stronger than your fear.
Don't be afraid, my love is stronger,
And I have promised, promised to be always near."

A friend reminded me of our singing of this song during a chapel service at Bethany. I remember singing it and tears coming to my eyes - not tears of fear or sadness in my life, but tears of knowledge and belief in the awesome love and presence of God in my life.

Little did I know that I would be singing the same words, again with tears, but this time the tears were those of fear and sadness. Fear and sadness for myself, but also for Leah, B, Rob, Sarah, Brittany, Jo, Jerry...

Maxine TurnerVienna, Va.Senior, Chemical Engineering
Henry LeeRoanokeFreshman, Computer Engineering
Matt La PorteDumont, N.J.Freshman, University Studies
Jamie BishopInstructor, Foreign Languages and Literatures (German)
G.V. LoganathanProfessor, Civil and Environmental Engineering
Juan OrtizGraduate Student, Civil Engineering
Jarrett LaneNarrowsSenior, Civil Engineering
Ryan Clark Columbia County, Ga.Senior, Biology, English, Psychology
Leslie ShermanSophomore, History and International Studies
Caitlin HammarenSophomore, International Studies and French
Liviu LibrescuProfessor, Engineering Science & Mechanics
Kevin GranataProfessor, Engineering Science & Mechanics
Reema SamahaCentrevilleFreshman
Emily HilscherWoodvilleFreshman, Animal and Poultry Sciences, Equine Science
Ross Alameddine, Saugus, Mass.

Cho Seung-Hui

Heart and Soul...

"His purpose isn’t to shield us from the suffering now but to use it to keep our hearts from attachment to this life that is passing away. " Ruth Hochstetler - Goshen College Devotions

TRIM

Here is a pic of my TRIM group - minus one. We were unaware that Tim was downstairs on the phone when we took this. Sorry Tim. :(

Some Quito Pix

I learned how to put pix in my blog, so here are a few from Quito, Ecuador.

Dana Beth and Leah from the walkway

around the Virgin de la Panecilla

Basilica del Voto Nacional

Virgin de la Panecilla

The "main religious symbol in Quito" according to the guide book

Built in the late 1970's.

Building on top of building

Quito from our hotel room.

I feel the weight of life...and almost death today.
Dear people in need and others saying, "No."
Violence on the church doorstep.
Anger and verbal abuse outside my door.

Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy.

And yet, I see God's mercy.
Survivors of major health problems and surgery and a wayward daughter's "stepping up to the plate."
Survivors of shootings and the response to a man's appology for getting blood on our church door and interrupting our "church", "What better place for you to come?"
Quite and stillness in my office.

"Mom, you really have to work hard to see your kids."

10 hours driving time.

16 hours flying time.

10 hours of layover time.

2 hours of security check-in time.

4 hours of dizzy diahrea.

2 days of "No hable español."

5 days with one/both of my girls.

Its worth it.

Good things

I have been busy with class work, but it has been a good busy. There is so much information out there that I was ... well, while not unaware of, not "alive, alert, awake, inthusiastic" about. I told B, however, that after learning what little I have, I see how actually doing "biblical study" changes the way we look at scripture. It is a good thing.
B & I leave today for Atl, then to Quito Thurs am to see Leah. I am very happy that I am going to get to see my LeLe. I have missed her. I know it is a possibility that our girls may never live near us and it is a little heart wrenching, but then, it is also good to know that it is possible. It is a good thing.

You are the love of my life...

...you are my inspiration.

Tonight I traveled back in time to my "young" adult, teen and pre-teen years thanks to the band Chicago. All that was missing was meeting Carl, Nancy and the rest of our "gang" at Pizza Hut after the concert.

Rock on!

"set your seal upon my heart and live in me"

"honor and cherish what you have learned, but keep before you the questions..."

Jonathan Shively said this to my TRIM orientation group as confirmation that what we have experienced is an important part of who we are and what we are to become; caution to not consider education/knowledge the answer; encouragement to always seek that which we cannot see.

In considering his words, I have realized that they hold true for me as one who is seeking knowledge to assist me in whatever ministry God puts me in rather late in my life. They are also true for those who are much younger, are completing their formal educations and are also seeking their ministry in God's world.

Beth puzzled over her spending time in school instead of being out there - getting her hands dirty - actually serving and doing something. I puzzle over entering the world of academia and leaving some of the doing behind. I supposed that if we saw time through God's eyes instead of our own, perhaps we could make sense of it all. Since we can't, we will just have to be thankful for and listen to those Jonathans sent to remind us.

In the morning when I rise

having someone fix breakfast, snow on trees, the sound of geese

seasoned veterans sharing, old friends encouraging, new friends confirming

prayer, song, silence

loud obnoxious laughter and sincere raw emotion

Take oh take me as I am
Summon out who I shall be
Set your seal upon my heart
And live in me

Along life's narrow way

Tuesday

smiling retirees popping in my office to say "hello," getting some of the clutter put away, finding what I am looking for, getting jobs done....and the quiet, relaxed space in which to do it all

Your family has grown!!!

21 people gathered round the table at The Homeplace, Mike D's magic tricks, Sam and vanilla ice cream, embarrassing Katie D with our version of "Happy Birthday"

Nothing but blue skies

coffee and crochet, silence

I do enjoy some silence now. I also enjoy being alone sometimes. Will I always be so content with those things?

Blue skies smiling at me

Willie Nelson valentine cards, Michael R's unbridled excitement over bread making, new crochet stitches, coconut cream pie

baby it's cold out there

the wonderful gift of communication technology that actually works and allows me to stay in touch with my girls, naps on the couch, rob's spontaneous eruption in celebration at a Hokie basketball win

Let your love shine on us

knowing when I need help, clean empty space, hugging B when she comes in, house full of family

Peace

newly finished floors, being inside when the wind is blowing snow outside, complete prayer shawls, new blankets

He walks with me and talks with me

the way the sky looks when it is clear and cold, hearing Leah's voice on the phone, finishing a written assignment

Make me a vessel of your peace

faux Zorbo eggs, surprise gifts, hearing passion in the pastor's sermon, Sue's guitar accompaniment, having Sam and Mary Frances back

Thanks for the Christmas gift Rob...

Camp Bethel, good salad, cookie dough brownies, seeing Little Big Town, Sugarland and Frank Beamer all in the same room

"OOOOH, yeah, the K hook." "You should try the H!"

being prepared early, lobster and REAL butter, learning how to really read again, 20 minute dozing, crocheted inspiration, friends who ask about my girls, not having to clean up

Whatz up?

I find that when I don't put entries on my blog, it is mainly because I don't have anything positive to write. This is totally against my reasoning for starting the thing to begin with. Hopefully I can do better.

"...they just go stupid!"

Responsibility, employment, stability...all wonderful and necessary things in my life. However, the therapy provided by releasing yourself to riotous hilarity with friends is irreplaceable.

"He's not right"

...Diana's verbal observation of John Webster as the only participant in the pastor's children's story time.

Getting a congregation to move from "their pews" in the back to the very front.

Redeemed! Oh, the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin - not in part, but the whole - is nailed to his cross, and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Lunch with Charlie and Diana Tuck.

Getting the pile of ironing and sewing down to a manageable size.

Banana pudding pie.

Obladi, Oblada, life goes on...

Annika Elizabeth Larson born 8:18 am today.
Leah getting settled in Quito.
Eric and Alec being their amazing little selves.
Dana Beth enjoying her little cousins.
Time to breathe.

And the day isn't over yet.

Gotcha

"Lord, he's going to drive me up a bloomin' wall."

"At least you will have something to hang on to."

God is in heaven....

Leah is in Quito, Ecuador safe and sound. B is here till next week. Several shawls have been mailed. My stomach isn't quite so rebellious today.

The party is over, but the spirit remains

It has been a while, I know. But, well, it has been a holiday...in a lot of ways.

Both of my girls home.
Several facinating young adults actually wanting to be here in our home.
Christmas Eve with the Belcher clan - 3 wonderful little boys!!
Christmas Day with the Cassell crew - Bobby home from the hospital and Christmas past stories.
A gift of pottery painting with my girls.
Bowl game trip to the ATL.

I know that Christmas is more than all the trappings we have put on it, but I am thankful for all God seems to bring into our lives despite them all.

Wipeout

Staying on the topic of time...

Our church went Christmas Carolling last night. I was able to go see some folks I haven't seen in a very long time (something that I admit is completely my own fault and should NOT be!) One very young-at-heart lady who rode along with me talked about finding it difficult to believe that some of our senior members at church were actually as old as they are - in years that is. Then she realized that if she were only honest with herself about her own age, then it should not be so difficult to comprehend others' ages. If Mr and Mrs were her Junior High advisors, then they had to have been at least 20 years older than herself, so that should make them around.....

Time. It carries us along like a tidal wave and half the time we don't even realize it. Here we are in the midst of this racing rush and we are so focused on...well, something...that we don't even notice that...

• our children have grown into adulthood
• those we once depended upon to help carry the load cannot carry as much any longer
• those we love feel abandoned because life has changed their routines for them and left them behind while ours continue and even become more complicated
• we have changed, maybe in small ways that really don't matter to anyone but ourselves, and sometimes in very big ways that make a difference to many

The list could go on and on, I supposed. Maybe I have just been made aware of my own age and how much time has passed without my being aware and the time that I possibly could have ahead of me. I think, though, that I need to try to become more aware of the wave that I am riding, take a look at the life that is riding along with me. I need to try to keep the ones that are pushed ahead and the ones that get pushed backward in my sight and within the sound of my voice and the ones that get pulled under, I need to try to hold their hand for as long as I can. I need to learn how to swim, much better than I do now - for my own sake and for those around me, so I can help them when needed and so I don't drag them down.

"Where has the time gone?...

...It wasn't that long ago when we had 4 year-olds." Rob's question caused memories to flood my mind and heart. It doesn't seem that long ago. Not at all. When you look back on it, time seems to have flown by.

This song was sung at our wedding. I liked it then, but now that I am older, the words mean more, so much more. And so does time.


If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

Just breathe...

"You can be anything you want to be!"
"Be all you can be!"
"Just be yourself."

Sometimes it is hard to figure out what it means to "be." Those are the times I have to tell myself to "just breathe."

Home is...

"I guess it's that I know I can relax here. I can get sick if I need to."

Pleeeeeeaaaaaase....

When 80% of a sermon is composed of other people's stories, there is really no "meat" - it is all "leftovers."

Let the little ones come

B told me of seeing Jewish children rush in during the service and more or less take over - one yelling "Abba!" others climbing on the furniture. I wondered at the time how First Church would react to such a scene. Yesterday, we had 5 boys ranging from 8 months to, oh, maybe 12 or 13 at church. They didn't rush in and do any climbing, but Ethan and Zeb sang, Jonas gave commentary to the service and our 2 visiting young men decided to help the ushers take up the offering. It was great!

Also from yesterday....

Dava's message was on sacrifice. She basically spoke of the usual things - time, talents and money. Listening to her, however, my mind kept going back to a discussion in Sunday School. It was said that one thing that seperates Christianity from other faith practices is God's grace to us and the fact that we are to reflect that grace to others. Another statement was how today, the word "christian" brought about animosity, confusion and pain with many people. A survey conducted several years ago, showed that when asked what they thought of when they heard the word "christian," practically no one questioned said "grace."

Dava mentioned in her sermon that it is questionable whether anything any of us do in the name of service for God could be called "sacrifice." I agree. The more I sat there and listened, the more I realized that we do give of our time, talents and money...but how often do we reflect the grace that God has so lovingly given us?

Time, talents and money...same 'ole same 'ole. The same ole same 'ole just isn't good enough.

7 years ago...

...I began a "Three Year Reading Program." I got my certificate today. I am glad I finished, but, I have no clearer idea of what I am supposed to do than when I started - 7 years ago.

"Don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself."

Keep reminding me Eric.

Sad

She interrupts others' conversations with topics out of nowhere.
She brings up a totally different topic when you are speaking to her as if she was never really listening to you in the first place.

It seems like at times, she is in another world.

Then I watch her when she is not a part of what is going on - when she is not a major part of what is going on - and I see that she wants desperately to be a part of this world. She wants to be someone's whole world.

How sad to watch someone who is so sad.

From the mouth of a 4 year-old

Eric and Alec visited me last night. Eric said they weren't Trick or Treating, but Mamaw B said I would treat them anyway. He was right. I did have treats for them. He turned it around though - he treated me. Eric began telling me what he had done in Bible Study and quoted the scriptures he had learned, one of them from Matthew 6:34.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself."

It is good to ask questions, to think about things, to work towards something. It is good to consider our actions and strive to seek to glorify God in each and everything we do. It is not good, however, to worry so much that our lives are consumed by the "what if's," the "why's," and the "how's?" - to worry so much about the questions that we forget to do what it is we are supposed to be doing right now.

The disciples had a hard time seeing the "big picture." It seems they kept missing the point of Jesus' teachings time and time again. They had a particular vision of what they wanted him to be and do and when he showed them something different, they were lost. We too keep missing the "big picture." We have a vision in mind of where we should be and what we should be doing and when we don't see that vision coming to life, we get lost. Perhaps we need to look back at what Jesus taught and what Eric reminded me of last night:

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." The Message

What is it we are supposed to be doing? I believe we are to be praying for God's help to discern what it is we are to do and the strength to do it (because, it may not be within the realm of our own vision!). I believe we are to take it step by step - one thing at a time - God's time. There are things in our lives right now that are preparing us for work we will do later. We can't "get worked up."

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.